Saturday, January 29, 2011

The Way Home: Chapter Two

Title: The Way Home
A Shelter Fanfic
Author: Jessica
([info]sam_cdn)
Rating: R for now, NC-17 for upcoming chapters (I promise!)
Summary: This story opens a little over two months after Shaun, Zach, and Cody have moved to Valencia. This will be a multi-chaptered story, telling the tale of what happens next. There will be plenty of happiness, sappiness, and general domestic bliss. There will be some hotness and some smuttiness. There will also be some angst, some anger, some sadness, and some pain. There will be some attempts at humor, but I'm not promising you'll laugh. Hold on tight, I've got a lot of story to tell!
Disclaimer: I do not own and did not create any of these characters other than Eliza and Ben. This was not created for profit.
 

They left for Valencia in a matter of days. Most of Jeanne’s house had been packed up for her departure—there were only a few things left of Zach’s and Cody’s to gather together and throw into the back of Shaun’s Volvo—and Shaun had already re-packed the suitcase he had brought to Laguna two months earlier. Zach sold his wheels to one of his friends, and quit his two jobs on the spot, feeling no need to give them two weeks’ notice. He wouldn’t be asking either of his previous bosses for references.

So, within three days of Jeanne’s departure, Zach, Shaun, and Cody were on their way as well. The move went smoothly, but during the next forty-eight hours, Zach had a lingering feeling that he had forgotten something or left something behind. He couldn’t possibly have been able to pick up his life, and leave San Pedro without a trace, after spending all twenty-two years of his life there. He realized that of course, he had not left without a trace. His street art was splashed all over the city, and he knew that not all of that could (or would) be painted over. And as for what they had attempted to cover up, it would begin to show through eventually as the paint they had used peeled and faded in the years to come. His spray-paint was indelible, and the marks he made would always be there.

And, of course, he left people behind as well. Many of the ones he had known during his life in San Pedro were gone now: Gabe lived mostly in Santa Barbara, Jeanne was in Portland, and his mother was dead. His father was there, but Zach tried not to think about him too much. There was a world of unfinished business there that he hadn’t figured out how to deal with yet. But a few of his friends were still in San Pedro, and, of course, there was Tori.

So, partly to shed the feeling that he had forgotten to do something, and partly for practicality’s sake, he decided to keep everyone in the loop. He sent out an email to Tori, Gabe, some of his other friends, and Jeanne, simply informing them that he was living near LA now and would be attending CalArts in January. He left his new cell number, but not his address. He didn’t specify that he was living with Shaun and Cody either. Anyone who needed to know that already did.

He had gotten a few responses from his friends in the form of emails, basically telling him to take care and to congratulate him on getting out of San Pedro. The only people who had called him were Gabe and Tori.

The call from Gabe came less than an hour after he sent the email out. He said it was about fucking time that Zach let him know what was going on, he had been expecting his call for days. Zach knew that Shaun had given Gabe a call before they left for Valencia, just to keep him up-to-speed. He didn’t know what exactly had been said, but he knew that Gabe knew he had gotten into CalArts, that he and Shaun were back together, and that they had taken Cody with them because Jeanne had split.

They talked about Zach’s job, what CalArts might be like, the surfing trip to Australia that the two of them had been planning for years and had vowed to do, and the new chick Gabe was trying to lure into bed. They didn’t talk much about Zach and Shaun, except for Gabe asking how things were going for them.

“Good,” Zach had said, after a brief pause. It still felt incredibly weird to be talking to Gabe about this. “Really good,” he added because at the same time, he also wanted his best friend to know how happy he was, for the first time in a very long time.

“Yeah? Well, I’m glad to hear it. Seriously, that’s awesome, man.”

“Thanks.”

An awkward pause ensued, during which Zach struggled desperately to think up a new topic of conversation. But Gabe was the first to break the silence: “Listen, man, I’m really sorry about that day at the diner. I shouldn’t have just laid that on you like that.”

“Hey, no, Gabe, come on,” Zach said quickly, all concerns about weirdness forgotten. “I should be the one apologizing. I was a total dick, and you were just trying to be understanding.”

“Well, well,” Gabe said, “just a few months in, and you’re already talking like a fag.”

Zach’s eyes widened and found himself to have become momentarily speechless.

“I’m kidding!” Gabe said, suddenly sounding concerned. “It was just a joke. Shit, you’re going to have to get used to this. I talk to my brother like this all the time, and I’m not making any exceptions for you.”

A laugh burst out of Zach. “Yeah, all right, fine. I think I can deal with that.”

They laughed together and finally, Zach felt like he was talking to his best friend again. That’s where he got the courage to say what he said next: “Listen, Gabe, about one of the things I said to you that morning …”

“Yeah?”

“Uh, remember when I asked you not to tell anyone?”

“Oh, yeah, of course. No worries, man, no one knows or suspects. Your secret is totally safe with me.”

“No, Gabe,” Zach said. “Actually, I, um, kind of wanted you to forget I ever said that. I just … I decided that I don’t want to keep any more secrets, you know? And people are going to find out eventually—you know how it is—and I don’t want it to seem like I was trying to hide anything.”

“Seriously? You don’t mind if I tell people?”

“No, I don’t. I mean, I’m not saying I want you to call everyone up and give them the big news. I’m just saying that when the subject comes up, I want you to tell people the truth.”

“All right, man, whatever you say. It’s good. I think you’re doing the right thing here.”

Zach let out a long sigh. “Yeah, I hope so.”

There was a part of him that knew, for sure, that this was the right thing to do. Secrets only led to trouble. He was trying to get over his reasons for wanting to keep things a secret, but it wasn’t exactly an overnight process. His fears and doubts were still plentiful, but they faded a little each day. He knew the people he had hung out with in San Pedro, though. He knew that when they found out about this, he wouldn’t be hanging out with some of them again, but it was no great loss. He only considered a select few people in that crowd his actual friends, and he hoped that they would stay that way. He knew Gabe and him were still bros. Tori, of course, was still his friend. Greg, Tom, and Steven, on the other hand, he was not so sure about. He tried to tell himself that if they couldn’t accept him for who he was, they weren’t very good friends to begin with, and he shouldn’t let himself be troubled by it. But guess what? It troubled him anyways.

Tori had called him about two weeks after he sent the email out. She wanted to know how he was doing, how things were going. She asked about Cody, Zach’s new job, and his preparations to start at CalArts. He asked her about work, the beach, and the new apartment she was moving into with her friend, Kelly. She skirted around the topic of Shaun, and he skirted around the topic of who she might be dating now. But Zach felt that the conversation had gone well. They were former lovers, after all, trying to reestablish a friendship after years of being together. It was natural that they wouldn’t feel ready to discuss the other’s love life quite yet. The conversation had not been without awkwardness, but Zach thought it was no more awkward than the discussion deserved.

And now, nearly two months after that, Zach decided it was time he gave her a call. It was Saturday morning. He, Shaun, and Cody had just finished a scrumptious breakfast of blueberry pancakes, scrambled eggs with cheese, and Cocoa Puffs (Saturday mornings were junk food mornings—they each got to choose their favorite artery-clogging breakfast), and were now lounging contentedly. Cody was deeply concentrated on the block castle he was constructing, and no, I did not want any help with it. Shaun was putting together the grocery list they would be picking up in an hour or so. They had plans to spend a couple of hours at the beach after that, before heading back to the apartment so that Shaun to could get to work on the dinner he was concocting for his friends’ visit. Since it was a grown-ups’ dinner night, Cody got to have Kraft Dinner and hot dogs for supper, so Zach reminded Shaun that they should buy some fruit to eat on the beach. He didn’t like Cody eating junk food all day.

Zach didn’t want to start on any painting when they were going out soon, he wasn’t in the mood to watch TV, and Cody seemed more than happy to entertain himself, so the idea to call Tori had come to him. He was surprised to discover how much he wanted to talk to her. After all the time they had spent together over the years, it was strange to spend so much time apart. He missed her, Zach realized. So, he laid himself out on the over-stuffed armchair in their living room, and selected Tori’s number on his cell phone. From where he sat, he could hear Shaun bustling around the kitchen, humming to himself, and could see Cody working on his creation on the hardwood floor between the living room and dining room.

“Hello?”

Zach smiled. “Hey, monkey.”

“Hey, monkey! How’s it going?”

“Good, good. You?”

“I’m good. You caught me at a good time. I just got in from doing groceries.”

Zach chuckled. “Yeah, we get ours on Saturdays too.” As soon as he said it, he regretted it. The implicated meaning of the “we”, along with the settled domesticity of their Saturday routine was not the kindest thing to be slapping Tori with the moment they got on the phone.

But, as kind as ever, she simply said: “That’s nice,” and they seemed to be done with the subject.

They chatted a little about inconsequential things before Cody realized who Zach was talking to, and wanted in as well. So, Zach handed his phone over to Cody, and listened to one side of their conversation. “Hey, Tori,” Cody said, clutching the phone against his ear with two hands. “Yeah … Good …Good … Uh-huh … Um, we play, and we draw, and we sing, and we have snack, and, um, stuff … Yeah … Sometimes … No! … Well, this one time …” and he was off on a long telling of the time at school that it had rained and they couldn’t go out for recess, so they played games with the Grade Ones instead. That led to a story about when he had been to the beach with Shaun and Zach and it rained, which led to a story about the best sand castle the three of them had ever built, which somehow led to how good Shaun was at reading bedtime stories.

By the time Cody handed back the phone, Zach was pretty sure all of his prepaid long distance minutes had been eaten up, but he didn’t mind. He liked listening to the two of them chat.

“Well,” Tori said when Zach had the phone back, “he seems to be having a good time.”

“Yeah, he really likes school.”

“Yeah … right. I miss him.”

“I know. He misses you too. Maybe you could come visit.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

Neither of them said anything for a moment. Zach was just thinking that he would say goodbye, when Tori spoke again: “Zach?”

“Yeah?”

“I wanted to tell you … well, you might have guessed, or maybe Gabe told you?”

“What? No, Gabe didn’t tell me anything. What’s up?”

“Oh. It’s about Greg and me. We’re kind of dating.”

“Oh. Kind of?”

“Well, no. We’re dating each other. Exclusively.”

Zach was not exactly sure how to respond. Who was he to say he had any problem with who Tori dated? It wouldn’t exactly be fair, considering the circumstances. And he wasn’t exactly sure he did have a problem: Greg was his friend, and was generally a good guy, but … he wasn’t sure that he liked the idea of Tori dating him. Like Gabe, he was something of a Casanova. He dated girls—lots of them—and he didn’t always call them back. He had a feeling it was different with Tori, though. They had known each other for years, and from the sounds of things, the relationship was already become more serious than any relationship Zach had ever seen Greg in. And Tori wasn’t stupid: she knew what she was getting herself into. Zach just hated the idea of her getting hurt. Again.

“Just be careful, monkey.”

Tori didn’t say anything for a moment. “I can take care of myself, Zach.”

Zach sighed. “I know, I just—”

“I know. Thanks.”

There wasn’t much else to say after that. They wrapped up the conversation and said goodbye, promising to call each other soon.

As Zach pressed the END button, Shaun came into the room. “Was that Tori?”

Zach looked up at him. “Yeah. We were just catching up.”

“Cool. How’s she?”

“Good.”

“I talked to Tori too!” Cody announced.

“You did? You left your castle alone for all that time?” Cody nodded, looking very solemnly at Shaun. “Hey, buddy,” Shaun said, inspecting the castle, “you’ve got to be careful, here. This’ll fall over if you don’t—”

“No!” Cody said, pushing Shaun’s helping hand away. “I said I wanted to do this by myself!”

“All right,” Shaun said, backing away.

“Cody,” Zach said, “don’t talk to Shaun like that. If you don’t want help, say ‘no, thank you.’”

Cody scrunched up his nose, but said, “No, thank you,” and got quickly back to work.

Shaun chuckled, and sat down on the arm of Zach’s chair so that Zach could lean against his side. “Want to head out soon?”

“Yep,” Zach said, but didn’t move. Shaun had started to rub the back of his neck, and he was pretty sure that if he never got out of this chair again, he would be perfectly happy.

But there were groceries to be bought, a beach to be enjoyed, and sandcastles to be built. The three of them piled into the car and headed to the nearby supermarket. They joked around during the ride, Cody begging them to turn up the radio when Avril Lavigne came on, and Zach and Shaun saying no, no, no, it would rot his ears right off! As they moved through the grocery store, they fell into their usual formation: Cody bouncing ahead, pulling things off the shelves and begging to have them, Shaun a little behind him, putting things back, and pulling the things on his list off the shelves, and Zach following behind, pushing the cart after them all.

“Hm, should I splurge for the chicken broth in the carton?” Shaun was saying as he gazed at the shelf in front of him. “We have bouillon cubes at home, but the quality is so much better with this.”

Zach shrugged, keeping one eye on Cody, who was examining the cartoons on the Alphaghetti can with great interest. “Whatever you want.”

Shaun smirked at him. “All right, I’ll make up my mind and we’ll get a move on.” He snatched two cartons of chicken broth off the shelf and tossed them into the cart. “Done. Now we just need—”

Shaun stopped talking abruptly. Actually, he stopped moving all together: he had turned half-way around to head off to the next aisle, when his eyes locked on a man standing on the other side of the aisle, looking back at him. The man was tall—taller than Shaun—and had dark brown hair and green eyes. Zach couldn’t help but notice that he was incredibly handsome, especially with the very solemn look he was currently sporting.

“Hello, Shaun,” the man said.

“Hey, Ben,” said Shaun.

Zach immediately understood what was going on. Though he had never met him, Zach knew precisely who Ben was: Shaun’s most recent ex, the guy he had dated for two years, and had lived with for one of those years. He knew that they had broken up because they had a lot of problems in their relationship and in the last few months, were fighting all the time. He knew that their many issues included Shaun wanting to start talking about adopting a child and Ben being completely uninterested in kids, Ben wanting to have an open relationship and Shaun being completely against it, and Ben trying to convince Shaun to get a job, because his second novel was taking too long to get going. He knew that Shaun was ready to move on months before they actually broke up. He knew all this and yet, he forgot everything the moment he was standing in front of the man he figured must be a hundred times more handsome, manly, mature, and worldly than twenty-two-year-old Zach could ever be.

In the awkward silence that ensued Shaun and Ben’s initial greeting, Cody sensed they would not be moving on to the next aisle any time soon, and went over to Zach to hold his hand and lean shyly against his leg. The movement seemed to bring Shaun back to life, and he smiled down at Cody. “This is Cody, Ben.” He looked up at Zach. “And this is Zach. Guys, this is Ben.”

Zach and Cody both said “hi,” and Zach felt about as young as Cody was. What did one say in a situation like this? Zach guessed that a grown-up, mature person would know. He, on the other hand, had no idea.

“Hi,” Ben said, meeting Zach’s eyes, “I heard you guys have become quite the … family.”

Zach heard the bitterness in his tone, and felt he had scored one small victory. He imagined that Ben would have heard about them from his and Shaun’s mutual friends.

Ben let out a breath and looked at Shaun again. “Listen, Shaun, you still have all those things at my place. DVDs, your wok, those speakers … I think there might be a couple of other things. I’d really appreciate it if you could pick them up.”

“Oh, hey, yeah, of course.”

Ben nodded. “Thanks. Actually, listen, what about now? I don’t have anything going on this afternoon—maybe we should do this while we’re both thinking about it and we’re both free.”

Zach thought it was pretty presumptuous of Ben to assume that Shaun had nothing going on this afternoon either. Not to mention, while he was there alone, Shaun was out with his new boyfriend and their … well, their family. He looked at Shaun, waiting to hear how he would tell Ben that he already had plans.

But instead, Shaun said: “Yeah, sounds good. I just don’t want to drag everyone—”

“I’ll drive you. I’m sure Zach here can finish your groceries and take them back, right? You can come with me to the apartment, pick up your stuff, and I’ll give you a lift back to your place.”

Zach knew that Ben was a high school English teacher, and Shaun had told him that he sometimes had the tendency to take control of situations he had no business taking control of. Shit, Zach thought suddenly, I’m only a few years older than some of his students. He probably sees me as another immature kid.

“Yeah?” Shaun said, sounding as though someone had just offered to do him a great favor.  “All right, sounds great.” He turned to Zach and handed him the grocery list. “There’s just the last two things left to get. I should be back in an hour or so—the apartment isn’t too far from ours.”

Zach stared at him. “Shaun …”

Shaun met his eyes. “What?”

Zach couldn’t believe this. Shaun was being his usual, chipper self, completely oblivious to what he was doing.

“Are we still going to the beach?” Cody asked.

Shaun smiled down at him. “I don’t think there’ll be time, buddy. But this is important, all right? Maybe we’ll get to the beach tomorrow.”

“Then what are we going to do today?”

Zach gave his hand a squeeze. “Don’t worry, Cody. You and I will find something fun to do.”

Shaun looked at Zach. “Was there something you wanted to ask me?”

Yeah, Zach thought, like what the fuck are you doing? But he didn’t think he could stand another minute in this aisle with Ben, and it probably wasn’t the best place to have this discussion, anyways. “No, never mind. I’ll see you later.

Shaun grinned. “Cool,” he said, and slapped Zach on the arm, as if they were pals.

Shaun and Ben headed down the aisle together, and from the sounds of it, suddenly found plenty to talk about. “C’mon, Cody,” he said, pushing their cart in the opposite direction. They found the last two items on the list, and headed for the checkout line. They didn’t talk. Cody seemed to have sensed there was something wrong. Or maybe he was just disappointed about the beach.

“Are you mad at Shaun?” he asked eventually.

Zach looked down at him. “What?”

“Are you mad at Shaun?” he asked again, exasperated at having to repeat his question.

“I’m not—it doesn’t matter, Cody. I’m just … I’m just disappointed we can’t go to the beach today.”

“Me too.”

They were quiet during the drive home, but both cheered up as they put the groceries away. A song they both liked came on the radio while they were in the kitchen, and they danced and joked around as they put items away.

When that was done, Zach pulled out the large painting he and Cody had been creating together. They had started on it a month earlier on their porch. Zach had painted a rough outline of a high-rise apartment building they could see that was in the process of being built, including the large cranes dangling monstrous framework high above the ground. Cody filled in the colors and painted the sky, and Zach was working on filling out the rest of the background, a combination of what he saw and what he imagined.

Zach brought the poster out to the table on the porch, and got Cody to help him carry paints and brushes out as well. “I think it’s nearly finished,” Zach said, admiring their work.

“No way,” Cody said. “We still have to paint stuff here, and here, and here. And I want to add more clouds.”

“You know, you’re right, we aren’t even close to finished.”

They set to work, collaborating, and working on their own individual parts of the poster. Zach loved that Cody had an interest in art. Even if he didn’t grow to love it as much as Zach did, he was happy they could at least enjoy this together now. After a while, he made them turkey sandwiches, and brought them out with some grapes and lemonade. They continued to work as they ate. He tried not to look at the time on his cell phone too often, but he couldn’t help but be concerned when more than two hours had passed. He was tempted to call Shaun, but he tried to resist. The fact of the matter was, if he was going to be late, Shaun should have called him. But he wasn’t going to let Shaun off by doing the calling himself.

Soon after that, it started to rain and they took their work inside. Cody quickly got bored with the poster, and because Zach was tired and pissed off and knew that Cody didn’t deserve to have any of that taken out on him, he allowed Cody to watch a movie, something they usually never allowed during the day. Zach was sitting on the couch next to his nephew when he heard Shaun enter the apartment. It was past three o’clock. Zach heard him put something heavy down, and close the door. “Hey guys,” he said, “be back in a minute—I just have another box to get out of the car.”

Zach didn’t answer, but Cody responded with an enthusiastic, “Hey Shaun!”

He heard the door open and close again and ten minutes later, Shaun was back. He must have left his items by the door, because he entered the living room empty-handed. His face and clothing were soaking wet. “There’s my two favorite guys,” Shaun said, grinning. He grabbed Zach’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “Hey, you.”

Zach shrugged it off. “Don’t, you’re all wet.”

Shaun laughed. “So? You don’t usually—”

“Just shut up, Shaun.”

Shaun stared at him. Cody had taken his eyes off of the TV screen and was looking at his caretakers with trepidation. “Do you need to talk to me about something, Zach?”

Zach shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Well then, let’s do it in the bedroom and let Cody watch his movie.”

Zach didn’t quite feel that he was finished giving Shaun the cold shoulder, but the mention of Cody reminded him that they shouldn’t be exposing him to this. He didn’t understand any of it, and it wasn’t fair to be concerning him with it.

“Fine,” Zach said, standing up. “You good, Codestar?” Cody nodded, looking at them worriedly. “Shaun and I are just going to have a little talk in our room. You come get us if you need anything, OK?”

“OK,” he said, and looked immediately back at his movie.

Zach followed Shaun into the bedroom and closed the door behind them. Shaun turned to look at him. “All right, what’s going on with you?”

Zach stared at him. “Are you really that clueless?”

“I know, it took longer than I thought, but—”

“It’s not just that, Shaun.”

“Then what is it?” He stared back at Zach’s responding glare. “Oh, you’re not seriously jealous, are you? This isn’t really about me spending the afternoon with my ex-boyfriend, is it?”

Zach didn’t blink. “Oh, no, of course not, Shaun. Why on earth would that bother me?”

“Zach, after everything I told you about the way things were between me and Ben, you can’t possibly think there’s anything there anymore.”

“From the looks of it, you two seemed to get along just fine.”

Shaun stared at him, and shook his head. “I’m not even going to answer to that.”

He pulled off his soaking shirt, and began searching in his dresser drawer for a fresh one. Zach stared at his bare, moist back, feeling the anger rising in him. “It isn’t just that, you know,” he said. “You just did what he said at the drop of a hat.”

Shaun spun around. “What?”

“Yeah, he said, ‘Come pick up your stuff,’ and you were just like, ‘Yeah, sure,’ right away, no questions asked. And you know what? I don’t buy for a second that it took all that time to pick up a couple of boxes from his place.”

Shaun shook his head at him. “Yeah, right, you caught us, Zach. We were fucking the whole time! Because that is really something I would do, after everything I told you about our breakup.”

Zach shrugged. “When you told me that stuff, I didn’t think you’d be so agreeable with him either. I don’t know what to think now.”

“What the hell? We were together for two years. We lived together. We had some things to talk about, all right? We had lunch and we squared away some unfinished business. Are you really going to be pissed at me for that?”

Zach shrugged again, still staring at him. What did they have to talk about? From what Shaun had said in the past, he and Ben were completely finished, and probably should have ended things months before they did. Zach thought that the case was closed on that one. “I just don’t see what you guys could have to talk about.”

“That’s ridiculous! I can’t believe how hypocritical you’re being.”

“Hypocritical?”

“Zach, you spent over an hour on the phone with your ex-girlfriend just this morning. Did you see an ounce of jealousy from me?”

“For fuck’s sake, Shaun, it’s different.”

“Yeah, how’s that?”

“Oh, come on, don’t play dumb. You know it is. And besides, I wasn’t over at Tori’s place all afternoon. We talked on the phone!”

Shaun stared at him for a moment, then shook his head. “Look, I don’t have time for this. Anna and Dave are going to be here in less than two hours, and I had a huge meal planned out, so we’d better get a move-on.”

“We?”

“Well, we usually—”

“They’re your friends.”

Zach could see that Shaun was getting worked up. He was glad: it took a lot to get Shaun angry, and it brought him a lot of satisfaction that he was getting a reaction out of him. “Fine,” Shaun finally said. “That’s just fine.”

“Great,” Zach said, and quickly left the room. He could feel the lump rising in his throat, and it hurt to push it down, but he refused to get emotional. He went back to the living room and sat down next to Cody again. His movie was almost over.

“Did you and Shaun have your talk?” he asked.

Zach looked down at him and wrapped his arms around him. “Yep,” was all he said. He worried that Cody might have been able to hear them arguing, but doubted it. As angry as both of them had gotten, they had not raised their voices very much, and with the television on and their bedroom door closed, Cody could not have been able to hear much, if anything at all.

He looked up at Zach and grinned. “Good. I love you, Daddy.”

At that moment, Zach didn’t care about whether or not he should be allowing Cody to call him that or if it was, in fact, the role he was filling now. All he knew was that he loved this boy so much, sometimes he thought the love would just become too much for him, and he would spontaneously combust from it all, not able to hold anything in.

He gripped Cody a little tighter, and ruffled the hair on the top of his head, trying to lighten the mood. “I love you too, buddy.”

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