The Way Home: Chapter Five

Title: The Way Home
A Shelter Fanfic
Author: Jessica (sam_cdn )
Rating: NC-17
Summary: This story opens a little over two months after Shaun, Zach, and Cody have moved to Valencia. This will be a multi-chaptered story, telling the tale of what happens next. There will be plenty of happiness, sappiness, and general domestic bliss. There will be some hotness and some smuttiness. There will also be some angst, some anger, some sadness, and some pain. There will be some attempts at humor, but I'm not promising you'll laugh. Hold on tight, I've got a lot of story to tell!
Disclaimer: I do not own and did not create the film Shelter. I am making no profit off of this.

As soon as Zach said Jeanne’s name, he felt Shaun sit up next to him, place a hand on his knee.

“Yeah,” Jeanne said, “it’s me. So, how’s it going?”

“Why are you calling, Jeanne? What do you want?” As soon as the words left his mouth, he realized how cold they sounded, but he didn’t care. Things were finally going well, and he wasn’t ready for her to come back into his life.

“Jesus, Zach, give me a break. Can’t I call my own brother?”

Zach sighed. “Yeah. I just … I’m sorry. I’m doing good. What about you?”

“I’m good, Zach. Things are going really well up here.”

“That’s nice.”

“The job I’ve been working? They’ve offered me a permanent position.”

“Good for you.”

“I’m going to take it.”

Zach started playing with Shaun’s fingers, gently running his rings over Shaun’s knuckles. “Uh-huh.”

“So, um … so I’ve got some stuff I need to take care of.”

“Yeah?”

“In San Pedro.”

“OK.” Zach knew what she was doing: she was gearing up to ask him for something. She always did this—especially when it was something big: she would talk him up first, explain things to him, and make it as difficult as possible for him to refuse once the question was asked.

“I want you to meet me down there. And I want you to bring Cody.”

And there it was. Zach closed his eyes, tightened his grip on Shaun’s fingers. “Why, Jeanne?”

“Look, I’ve got some unfinished business to deal with, all right? This is important to me.”

“And how does this involve Cody and me?”

“I need to see him, Zach. He’s my son.”

Zach felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise. He wanted so badly to scoff at that statement, to refute it, but he knew that no matter what Zach said about the mistakes Jeanne had made, she would still be right. She would always be able to play the parent card—she would always be Cody’s mother.

“Listen,” Jeanne continued, “Allen and I are getting settled here and—”

“Oh, you’re still with Allen?”

“Yeah, I am. Don’t sound so shocked.” Zach rolled his eyes, but said nothing. “Anyways,” she continued, “we’re getting settled. We’re moving into a bigger place. I had some stuff in storage in San Pedro that I need to pick up. Allen and I are going to drive down around mid-December. I need you to be there. I need to see Cody, and I need to talk to you.”

“We’re talking now, Jeanne. What do you want to say?”

“I’m not doing this over the phone. We need to meet.”

Zach was feeling his chances of getting out of this become smaller and smaller. He knew this version of Jeanne: this was organized, take-charge Jeanne. She didn’t appear very often, but when she did, she was difficult to argue with. The worst part was, she didn’t stay for long either, and someone always had to pick up the pieces afterwards. And that person was usually Zach.

“I’m really not sure about this, Jeanne. You can’t just expect us to drop everything, and go to San Pedro, just like that. We have commitments, you know.”

“Come on, Zach, I’m talking about, like, three days here. And it’ll be right before Christmas. I know Cody will be out of school.”

“I have a job.”

“And you can’t get any time off? At Christmas?”

Zach sighed. “Jeanne …”

“I’m really not asking for much, here.”

“Look,” he said, rubbing his forehead, “I’m really tired right now, and I … I need some time. And I need to talk it over with Shaun. Can I call you back tomorrow?”

Jeanne took a moment to answer. “Yeah, all right, Zach,” she eventually said.

“Can I call you at this number?”

“Yeah, but after five. I’ll be at work all day.”

“Sure. I’ll talk to you then, Jeanne.”

“OK. Bye.”

“Bye.”

Zach put his phone back in his pocket, and looked at Shaun. “So?” Shaun said.

“That was Jeanne. She’s going to San Pedro and she wants Cody and me to meet her there.”

“Yeah, I caught that. What do you think she wants?”

“I—I don’t know. I mean, maybe she just wants to visit with Cody, and to talk with me. We didn’t exactly leave things on the best terms.”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

“Or … or maybe she wants Cody back.” Zach met Shaun’s eyes. “For good.”

Shaun turned his body closer to Zach’s and took both his hands in his. “Do you really think that?”

“I don’t know.” He paused and looked at Shaun, imagining how this whole situation must seem to him. Shaun understood a lot about Jeanne, but he didn’t understand her like Zach did. “I know it doesn’t seem like it most of the time, but she really does want what’s best for Cody. She’s made a lot of mistakes, but her heart is good.”

Shaun looked down, and Zach could tell he wasn’t entirely convinced. “But she’s still with Allen?”

“Maybe he’s had a change of heart.”

Shaun shrugged. “All right. So let’s just say that Jeanne does want Cody back for good. Or at least, to take another shot at parenting. What do we think of that?”

Zach looked down at their clasped hands. His gut reaction was to say the thought of Cody being taken from them made him want to throw up. He wanted to say that he was happier than he had ever been, that he loved Cody more than he ever had, and now wanted nothing more than to watch him grow up and be a part of his life. No, not just a part of his life: not just a close uncle, but a parent. He wanted to be Cody’s home.

But this was nothing he and Shaun had ever discussed. As cold as it sounded, when it came right down to it, Cody was a part of their lives out of necessity. Zach was taking care of Cody because Jeanne couldn’t (or wouldn’t), and Shaun was a part of that because he was a part of Zach’s life. They had not decided to adopt a child together; they were not even like a straight couple that had conceived accidentally. Their situation was entirely different from both of these, and it brought with it a whole new set of conditions, problems, and complications. When Jeanne had originally told him that she was moving to Oregon and that she couldn’t take Cody with her, Zach had been livid. For the past five years, Jeanne’s role as a mother had slowly been sliding further and further from what it needed to be, placing more and more responsibility on Zach’s shoulders. As much as he loved Cody, it made him furious that Cody wasn’t getting the love and attention he deserved from the one person who should be giving the most of it: his mother. And then when she had more or less asked Zach to take over parenting Cody completely, Zach had been angry, not because he didn’t want to be Cody’s parent, but because he believed that the best thing for him was to be with his mother, and for him to see that his mother loved him and put him above everything else in the world.

So, that morning in the driveway as she and Allen were packing up to leave San Pedro, when Zach had asked her one last time to stay, had reminded her that she did have a choice in the matter, he sincerely hoped she would say yes, she would choose Cody over Allen. The separation from Cody would have been painful for Zach, but he would have been happy knowing that Jeanne had finally made the right choice. But that was before: before two and a half months of Shaun, and junk food Saturday mornings, and bedtime stories, and surf lessons, and artistic collaborations. That was before Zach had finally given in, accepted that Jeanne would never be the mother Cody deserved, and had fallen fully into the parental role himself.

And so with all of this in his mind, Zach looked up at Shaun and said, “I think it would destroy me.”

Shaun seemed to melt as his shoulders slumped, his head tilted, and his eyes softened. He lifted a hand and brushed Zach’s cheek. “Oh, babe. I know.”

“But what can I say, Shaun? If she wants him back, how can I refuse her?”

Shaun dropped his hand down to Zach’s shoulder and then let it slide down his arm. “I don’t know. Maybe you can’t.”

Zach sighed, and closed his eyes. He had feared that this would be Shaun’s answer.

“But Zach,” Shaun said, “we don’t even know if that’s what she wants. She might just want a visit.”

Zach nodded. “Yeah, maybe.” He lifted his eyes to look at Shaun again. “I don’t know if I like that idea either.”

“No?”

“Cody is comfortable here. He never mentions Jeanne and … and maybe he’s forgotten that she left him. At least, I don’t think he’s in any pain over it anymore. But if he were to see her again—”

“It might bring back some bad feelings.”

“Or make them worse. I just … I don’t want to put him through that.”

Shaun looked at Zach thoughtfully. “But if that’s the case, we’ll just have to work through it, right? As long as you’re in his life, I don’t think he’ll ever feel abandoned.”

“As long as we’re in his life.”

Shaun smiled. “Right. Look, I think we’ve got to do this.”

Zach nodded. “I know. Maybe it won’t be so bad.”

“Yeah, maybe it’ll be no big deal.”

They were quiet for a beat. Zach tried to let Shaun’s calm optimism influence him.

“Hey,” Shaun eventually said, “it’ll be good to go back for a bit. You can catch up with your friends. Maybe spend some time with your Dad.”

“Yeah …” Zach said. Shaun was watching him expectantly, seeming to expect a longer response. Zach didn’t talk about his father very much—or ever—and he knew that Shaun’s understanding of the situation was minimal.

“Did you say anything to him before we left?” Shaun asked.

Zach shrugged. “Not really. I mean, I told him I was moving away to L.A. for school. He … well, it’s been hard for him with his injury. The meds he’s on really knock him out, but it seems to be the only thing that works.”

“Hm,” Shaun said. “Well, have you ever looked into alternative treatments? Maybe there’s something better out there.”

Zach shrugged. “Look, can we just deal with one heavy subject at a time? I think that if we have anymore serious talk, my head is going to explode or something.”

Shaun chuckled. “All right, fair enough. What do you say we head off to bed early? Maybe there’s something I can do to take your mind off things.”

“Oh yeah?” Zach grinned.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“I’d be happy to let you try.”

So Zach let Shaun lead him into the bedroom, undress him, and try out all kinds of things to distract him. And for the time being, they all worked beautifully.

*          *            *

“You know what I think?” Eliza said to Zach as they scrubbed palettes and cleaned paint brushes together later that week. “I think everything will be fine. There’s no way she wants him back.”

“Thanks, Eliza, but you’ve never met my sister.”

Eliza shrugged. “Well, this is my educated guess, based on what you’ve told me.”

“All right then.”

They were quiet for a minute, and then Eliza grabbed Zach’s shoulder. “Hey,” she said in the most serious voice Zach had ever hear her use, “it’s going to be fine.”

Zach nodded. “I hope so.”

“How long are you going for? You’re not going to be gone during New Year’s, are you?”

Zach shrugged. “I don’t know, we haven’t worked out the details. Why? What’s happening at New Year’s?”

“I’m not spending it alone is what’s happening.”

“I’m sure you’ll find something to do.”

“I’m serious, Zach, I’m depending on you.”

“To spend New Year’s with you?”

“Yeah. You’re pretty much my only friend in California. If I don’t spend it with you, I’ll be spending it with my aunt and uncle, and I refuse to ring in 2008 while watching Dick Clarke with two snoring middle-aged people on either side of me.”

Zach laughed at the image. “OK, OK, it’s a deal. I promise, we’ll spend New Year’s together.”

“Cool,” she said. “You should know, I take promises very seriously. I’m going to hold you to that.”

“All right. I take promises seriously too.”

“Good.”

The bell on the studio door jingled, and both turned their heads. Zach grinned as he saw Shaun’s friend, Anna, enter.

“Hey,” he said as he walked toward her.

“Hi there,” she said with a smile.

Zach was genuinely happy to see her there: like Zach, Anna was artistic, though in a very different way from him. She made her living off of selling jewelry that she handmade. But she was also good at dozens of other plastic arts and handicrafts, from basket weaving to ceramics painting. Zach admired her making a living off of the art she did. He hoped he could do the same someday. And he was excited for the opportunity to see her work.

Eliza came up behind him and touched his arm. “Are you going to introduce us?”

“Eliza, Anna; Anna, Eliza.”

After an exchange of hellos, Zach said, “So, are you here to paint?”

“I think so,” Anna said, looking around. “I like those vases. How much are those?”

Zach helped get Anna set up with some under-glazes for her vase. After taking care of some more work around the studio, and helping some other customers, he joined Anna at her table.

“Wow,” he said, looking over the complex design Anna was sketching onto the vase of intertwining vines with flowers and birds, “that’s going to be amazing.”

“Thanks,” she said, then glanced up at him, “if I can pull it off.”

“I’m sure you can.”

She chuckled. “You sound like Shaun: Mr. Encouragement.”

“Oh, yeah. I guess it rubs off a bit.”

“That’s one of the things I’ve always loved about Shaun: no matter how bad a situation feels, he can always make you feel better about it.”

Zach nodded, thinking of their recent discussion. “I know what you mean”

“Can I tell you something?”

“Sure.”

Anna put down her vase and her pencil and looked directly at Zach. “Shaun and I have been friends for a long time. If things were different, we might have become more than friends, but … anyways, they’re not. So you can understand why I’m maybe a bit … protective of Shaun. Do you know what I mean?”

Zach nodded. “I think so.”

“Well, to be perfectly honest, when I first heard he was moving in with some friend of Gabe’s, I was … well, I was wary. He’d just split with Ben, and it wasn’t pretty. Shaun’s tough, but I know that that break hit him hard. And then hearing about you and him, I thought, oh great, some kid who’s just come out of the closet; that is so not what Shaun needs right now. I figured that a couple months in, you’d get bored and break his heart again.” She paused. “I mean, no offense or anything. This was all before I’d met you.”

Zach nodded again. “Right.”

“But then I did meet you, and … well, it became pretty clear to me that you were not the kind of guy who would be selfish and break Shaun’s heart. It was also very clear that you guys had something … something real going on between you, you know? This wasn’t some whim or rebound … you guys had—have—a major connection.”

Zach blinked, taking this in. Did she really mean this, or was she just trying to be nice? He knew enough about Anna by that point to know that she didn’t say things just to be nice. “Thanks,” was all he could think to say.

“You’re welcome,” she said, and picked up her pencil again. She studied something she had drawn on the vase and then started to erase it. “Anyways,” she continued, “I just wanted to let you know that that’s what I think. I’m happy for you both. And I like you.”

Zach smiled. “Cool. I like you too.”

She smirked. “You’re kind of cute, kid.”

*          *            *

Just as the sun is peaking over the horizon, he glides along the empty sidewalk on his skateboard, feeling the cool breeze rush past him. He turns a corner and up ahead, sees the white stucco wall he had been dreaming about only half an hour before. As he gets closer, he can see that it has already been tagged in a couple of spots, messy signatures scrawled in black spray paint. He wonders why they even bother, these vandals who only want to mark their territory, instead of leaving a more meaningful statement. But he is not too troubled by these fading markings, because he finds one section of the wall that is still white, and where hardly any of the paint has peeled off.

He glances around. The sun has begun to rise, but the houses around him are still asleep. They remind him of the little cottage where he grew up. Not where he lived with his sister, later, but the house where he spent his childhood. He feels safe in this unknown neighborhood. The wall he faces is nearly twice as tall as he is, and he doesn’t know what’s on the other side. It doesn’t matter, though. All he cares about is this blank canvas in front of him.

He only carries one can of spray paint with him: red. He will need more later, but this is enough to start. He pulls the can from the front pocket of his sweatshirt, and holds it out in front of him. He begins to move his arm in small jerks, and steady lines. He doesn’t press down on the nozzle yet, only maps out his ideas as they form in the air. He hasn’t got a plan yet, but his subconscious has drawn him to this wall and he knows that the image will take shape slowly but surely. He never plans these things too thoroughly. His street art is all about impulse and gut feelings.

He lets his arm rest by his side for a moment, still gripping the cool metal of the spray can. He uses his other arm to pull the hood of his sweatshirt a little more onto his head, and then glances around quickly, more out of habit than out of the actual fear that he could get busted for vandalizing this old, forgotten wall on this old, forgotten street.

And then, he is ready to begin. He brings the can up again and starts to move his arm in a large, sweeping arc. He likes how the red paint stands out against the white, a splash of life on a drab background. He continues to cover the wall in red markings, allowing the image to take shape. It doesn’t seem like anything at first, but now he can see it taking a circular form, sort of a spiral, but with intricate lines making shapes as the overall image circles inwards.

He isn’t sure how much time has passed when he hears a car in a distant driveway sputter to life. He realizes that the sun is now much higher in the sky and the world is waking up. He hasn’t finished, but he slides his spray can back into his front pocket. He grabs his skateboard from where it was leaning against the wall, and steps onto it. He propels himself down the sidewalk, still thinking about the thing he has started to create, but also anxious to return to his home.

He has people waiting there for him, after all.