The Way Home: Chapter Eight

Title: The Way Home
A Shelter Fanfic
Author: Jessica ([info]sam_cdn )
Rating: NC-17
Summary: This story opens a little over two months after Shaun, Zach, and Cody have moved to Valencia. This will be a multi-chaptered story, telling the tale of what happens next. There will be plenty of happiness, sappiness, and general domestic bliss. There will be some hotness and some smuttiness. There will also be some angst, some anger, some sadness, and some pain. There will be some attempts at humor, but I'm not promising you'll laugh. Hold on tight, I've got a lot of story to tell!

Disclaimer: I do not own and did not create the film Shelter. I am making no profit off of this.

Zach lay awake next to Shaun, staring at the ceiling. It was six o’clock in the morning, but he knew he wasn’t going to fall back to sleep. He’d been awake for the past hour, and had tossed and turned all night. He finally gave in to wakefulness and allowed the same thoughts to play in an endless loop in his mind.

They would be seeing Jeanne in a few hours and she was going to be taking Cody for the rest of the day. She and Allen were staying at a Holiday Inn, and Jeanne said there was a pool there where she wanted to take Cody. Zach didn’t understand why anyone would swim in a pool when the ocean was right next door, but Jeanne had never been the ocean-loving type.

None of this worried Zach too much. Other than his concern over how Cody would react to being with Jeanne after her leaving him, he didn’t really have a problem with Jeanne wanting to spend some time with him. He had been apprehensive at first, but had ultimately decided that Cody was better off having Jeanne play some sort of role in his life, rather than abandoning him completely.

What Zach was really concerned about was this Big Talk that Jeanne kept saying they had to have. She seemed intent on drawing out the suspense, and insisted that they didn’t discuss whatever it was she wanted to discuss until after she had had her initial visit with Cody. Zach had been thinking about this endlessly for the past month: what did it mean? Was Jeanne waiting until after her visit with Cody because the visit was going to determine something? Did she think that what she had to say would cause Zach to cancel the visit? Or were they completely unrelated? Maybe she just thought that after the visit would be a better time, for no particular reason. Jeanne could be fussy that way.

Zach turned on his side to face Shaun, who appeared to be sleeping peacefully. It didn’t matter how many simple explanations he came up with to explain Jeanne’s behavior, the worst-case scenario continued to be the only one he believed to be possible. Now, he could only bring himself to believe that Jeanne wanted to talk to him so that she could take Cody back, and break up this family that Zach had finally found happiness in.

Considering how many disappointments had determined the course of Zach’s life, he couldn’t help but be pessimistic. Shaun, of course, was the complete opposite with his always-positive outlook on life, which was one of the things Zach loved most about him. No matter what happened, at least he knew he would have Shaun there for him in the end. But he hated considering that possibility of the worst happening. And yet, he couldn’t help but think about it.

Zach sighed heavily and turned onto his back again. He was so sick of thinking about this. He wished he could sleep.

“You’ve been tossing and turning for the past twenty minutes,” Shaun mumbled suddenly.

Zach blinked and turned his head a little to look at Shaun. “Sorry. Did I wake you?”

“That’s OK. You worrying about today?”

Zach nodded. “I don’t know what to think.”

“She just wants to see him, Zach.”

“I think she wants more.”

“Well, maybe, but we don’t know, do we? So what’s the point in worrying about it?”

“I can’t help it.”

Shaun’s hand slid along Zach’s stomach under the covers. “Maybe I can do something to help take your mind off things.”

“Shaun …” The hand started to move lower, and Zach grabbed it, stilling it. “I’m sorry, not now, OK? I just …”

Shaun nodded. “All right.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.” Shaun pulled his hand out and opened his arms. “How about we just try and get some sleep?”

Zach nodded and scooted closer to Shaun, letting the older man wrap him up in his arms. He didn’t expect to get any sleep, but he knew being held close would help him relax a little. It always did.

* * *

“Do I have to go see Jeanne?”

“Yeah, Cody.”

“Is Allen going to be there?”

“Yes, he is.”

“What’s a Holiday Inn?”

“It’s a hotel.”

A pause. “Is it called that because you go in there on your holiday?”

The two men in the front of the car had to bite their lips to keep from laughing, and shared a smile for the first time that day. “No, Cody,” Shaun answered, “but that’s a smart idea. An inn is another word for hotel.”

“Then why didn’t they call it the Holiday Hotel?”

“Hmm,” Shaun said, changing into the right-hand lane, “that’s a good question. I don’t know.”

Zach sat quietly in the passenger’s seat, feeling the same way he had when he had been en route to other dreaded events: visiting his father in the hospital after his accident, on his way to pick up Jeanne from the police station when she’d been arrested for a DUI five years ago, on his way to his mother’s funeral. He tried to tell himself that he was overreacting, that this was nothing like any of those horrible times in his life. Then, he thought, yes, but what if this was the beginning of one?

“We’re here,” Shaun said, much too soon. They were parked in front of the tan Holiday Inn building Zach must have had driven past a million times in his life.

They got out of the car and Zach helped Cody out of his car seat. He held Cody’s hand as they walked to the main entrance. It wasn’t that he didn’t think Cody could safely cross the parking lot without Zach holding on to him. It was that Zach needed to remind himself that Cody was still there, that he wasn’t losing him. That he wouldn’t lose him.

When they were only a few steps away from the doors, Shaun’s hand slid across his back and to hold his waist. Zach’s first instinct was to pull away, but he stopped himself. He thought of the day when Jeanne had left for Oregon, how he had arrived at the house with Shaun and had made a point of taking Shaun’s hand. He wanted to show Jeanne that they were together now. Hell, yes, he was having his big gay wedding, and he didn’t care if she had a problem with it. He thought of the three of them walking into the lobby, all holding on to each other, showing how they weren’t just Shaun, Zach and Cody anymore: they were a family.

As promised, Jeanne was waiting for them by the couches in the lobby. As soon as Zach saw her, he immediately felt guilty for wanting to shove his joy in her face. She looked all right—healthier, in fact, than he had seen her look in a long time. It seemed like there were less lines on her face, more color in her cheeks. Her clothes looked better as well. At least, her t-shirt covered her stomach and her jeans were new, not the same ones she had been wearing since she was fourteen. The source of his guilt was the look on her face when they entered: Zach had never seen Jeanne look so sad. When she had first spotted them, it looked like she had started to smile, but then she really saw them—noticed the way they were walking, all attached and defiant, and the smile seemed to crumble away, collapsing into a lost, resigned look.

Shaun must have seen it to, because he let his arm drop from Zach’s waste. Zach kept a hold of Cody’s hand, though. He couldn’t bring himself to let go.

“Hey, Jeanne,” he said, offering her a smile.

She gave a tight smile back. “Hi guys,” she said, then bent to Cody’s level. “Hey, Cody. How’s it going?”

Zach felt Cody’s grip tighten on his hand, and felt the little boy press his body closer to Zach. “Fine.”

“What’s wrong? Didn’t you miss me?”

Cody gave a weak shrug, then moved even closer to Zach. He thought he should feel glad that Cody was demonstrating his obvious preference for Zach and Shaun to Jeanne, but he didn’t. As he watched Jeanne realize this as well, he felt horrible. He knelt down next to Cody. “Come on, Codes, don’t do this shy thing. You and your Mom are going to spend a fun day together, all right?”



Cody nodded, and looked at Jeanne. “Is Allen here?”

“No, Allen is busy today. It’s just going to be you and me.” Jeanne cut her eyes quickly to Zach, then looked back at her son.

Zach stood up and there was an awkward silence. Zach was starting to think it was time they said goodbye, when Shaun suddenly spoke: “So how’s Portland treating you, Jeanne?”

At first, Jeanne seemed so surprised to be addressed by Shaun that she only blinked at him. Then, realizing what Shaun had asked, she seemed to catch herself. “Good. Things are really good.”

“That’s great. What’s the job again?”

“Oh, we’re … Allen and I are superintendents at an apartment complex. He takes care of, you know, fixing things and painting … stuff, and I clean.”

Shaun nodded. “Cool. So how does that work? Do you get free rent or something?”

“Not really—it’s factored into our pay. But it’s a good job. I mean, we’re making way more than we ever did here.” She shrugged. “We’re actually saving some money now.”

Shaun smiled. “Good for you guys. I’m glad to hear things are going well.”

“Thanks,” Jeanne said, then looked at Zach.

Zach realized he was expected to say something, so he offered a smile as an apology, and said, “Yeah, congrats, Jeanne.”

She nodded, and they were silent again, but some of the tension that had been there earlier seemed to have lifted.

“Well,” Shaun said, looking at Zach, “I guess we should …”

“Yeah.” He looked at Jeanne. “Listen, if you’re going to take him swimming, you know you need to stay close to him, right? He can swim, but sometimes he needs a hand, and you have to be there to help him. And make him wait a bit before he goes in the water after he eats, or he’ll throw up in the pool. And—”

“Zach,” Jeanne cut him off, “I think I can handle it. He’s my son.”

Zach sighed and forced himself not to look at Shaun. “Yeah. Well, I guess that’s it then. I’ll see you tomorrow, all right, Cody?”

They said their goodbyes, and Zach handed Jeanne Cody’s overnight bag. As he and Shaun turned back towards the door, he reached over and took Shaun’s hand, needing to feel its warmth in his.

* * *

When they got back to the house, they found Gabe, pacing back and forth in the kitchen, his cell phone against his ear in one hand, an energy drink gripped in the other.

“Yeah, man, totally,” he said into his phone, “bring everyone you can get … tonight, man, it’s gonna be epic … totally, totally … all right, cool, man … late.” He clicked the end button and looked up at Zach and Shaun. “Good, you’re back! Party here tonight, all right? It’s gonna be huge—everyone’s coming.”

Everyone’s coming. That’s what he always said because when people heard that Gabe Brookes was throwing a party, they were sure to come. Zach leaned against the island. “I don’t know if I’m in the mood, man.” He had been fantasizing about collapsing in front of the huge flat screen and watching some mindless TV, or playing some Guitar Hero, or anything else that would require no serious thinking, and no socializing.

“Not gonna fly, man,” Gabe said, tossing his empty can into the garbage, “it’s already happening and I can tell from the look on your face that you are in serious need of some fucking debauchery. Shaun, you’re in, right?”

“Totally,” Shaun said cheerfully, and Zach shot him a look. Shaun just shrugged.

“Cool,” Gabe said, already heading for the door. “Now, I gotta go out and buy a shit load of beer, but I’ll catch you guys back here in a bit. Deal? Deal. Late!” And he was gone.

Zach watched Shaun as he went to the fridge and started to inspect its contents. “Just what I suspected: all that’s in here is beer and some celery that really needs to be thrown out. You want to head back out and get some lunch?” Zach shrugged. “What, are you mad at me? To be totally honest, I think Gabe’s right. I think a party would do us both some good.”

Zach nodded. “I’m not mad, I just … don’t feel like seeing people.”

Shaun went over to him and placed his hands on Zach’s shoulders. “Babe, you’ve got to stop acting like you’ve just been giving a death sentence, all right? Jeanne just wants to spend some time with him.”

“But maybe not.”

Shaun sighed, and cocked his head to the side. “Do you always have to be so difficult?”

He’d said in a teasing voice, so Zach smiled. “Yeah, sorry, man. It’s just the way it is.”

Shaun shook his head. “C’mere,” he said, and wrapped Zach up in a hug. Zach held on to Shaun’s solidity, his warmth.

“Aren’t you excited to spend some time with your buddies?” Shaun said into his ear.

“Oh, yeah, sure, considering how fun it was yesterday.”

Shaun pulled back a little and looked into Zach’s face. “What was wrong with yesterday? I thought you had a good time.”

“It was weird, Shaun. It was just fucking … weird. It’s not the same with them.” Zach suddenly remembered Tori, accusing him of expecting nothing to change when everything had. Was he being naïve?

“Look, that’s to be expected, all right? I went through the same thing with my high school friends after I came out and ultimately … well, I lost a couple of people I thought were friends, but the true ones stayed the same. Just be yourself, and you’re golden.”

“Thank-you Mister After-School Special.”

Shaun grinned. “Hey, you can learn a lot from an After School Special.”

Zach chuckled, shook his head, then took Shaun’s hand and started to pull him towards the stairs.

“Where are we going?” Shaun said.

“Upstairs.”

“Why?”

“I think we forgot to make the bed.”

“And it takes two of us to do that?”

Zach glanced back over his shoulder. “Yep.”

Shaun grinned and shrugged. “If you say so.”

Earlier that morning, Zach had been too distracted to feel the arousal Shaun usually evoked so easily in him. Now, he knew that he needed to be distracted from his distraction in the way that only Shaun could accomplish.

As soon as they got into the bedroom, they ripped into each other, kissing with their whole mouths—lips, tongues, teeth, and gums—tearing off clothing, clawing at naked flesh. When their clothing had been shed, they fell onto the bed in a tangle, continuing their exploration of one another’s bodies with the same near-violent desire. It wasn’t long before Zach straddled Shaun’s hips and lowered himself down onto Shaun’s cock. He felt the need to have control, and at the same time, the need to be filled with Shaun, and consumed by him.

Shaun gasped as Zach buried him completely. He grabbed at Zach’s ass, slid his hands up and down his chest, grabbed his cock as Zach rode him.

Zach came before Shaun, but the other man followed soon after. They didn’t speak as they cleaned up quickly using the tissues by Shaun’s side of the bed, and then wrapped themselves up into each other. They fell into the first afternoon nap they had had together in months, and, it is safe to say, it did them both a world of good.

* * *

Zach woke to the thump of loud music playing downstairs. He thought at first that the party had started already, but then realized it was only five o’clock. He looked beside him and saw that Shaun was awake too.

“Gabe’s back,” Zach said.

“Sounds that way.” He rolled closer to Zach and pulled him into his arms. “I haven’t slept that well in ages.”

“Me either,” Zach said, then brushed his lips gently against Shaun’s. They kissed and nipped at each other in a slow, leisurely, just-woke-up way that Zach loved. He could still hear Gabe’s music blaring downstairs, though. He was about to suggest they go down and see him, when Shaun crawled under the covers, and started kissing his way down Zach’s chest. Zach closed his eyes, thinking that if he was going to stop Shaun, now was the time, so—

And then Shaun took him in his mouth, and Zach thought: Gabe can wait.

They went downstairs together twenty minutes later and found Gabe in the kitchen again, sifting through pizza delivery flyers. Music was pounding from the living room, and Shaun motioned to Gabe to turn down the volume. He grinned when he saw them, and used the remote sitting next to him to lower the music. “Hey, where’ve you guys been?” he asked.

Zach said “Nowhere,” at the same time that Shaun said, “Sleeping.”

Gabe raised his eyebrows. “Right. Is that what the kids are calling it these days?”

Zach felt his cheeks warm as he realized how obvious it was to his best friend what he and Shaun had been doing. Come to think of it, he didn’t think he’d be sitting properly anytime that night—he had gone at Shaun pretty hard and fast in a way he wasn’t quite used to yet. Well, there was no way he would let on about that.

“You getting something to eat?” Shaun said, mercifully changing the subject.

“Yeah, you guys in?”

They were, and decided on ordering two large meat-lovers’ pizzas. Shaun wanted vegetarian, but Gabe told him to “give the fag food a rest” and then stopped giving him a choice in the matter.

* * *

As usual, Gabe did not disappoint. Everyone was there. People they had gone to high school with, people they surfed with, and people Zach had worked with. When Gabe threw a party, you never knew who might show up or how they might have heard about the party. Zach spotted Jeanne’s friend, Ellen, lurking by the keg with a heavily pierced guy holding a guitar. He edged away from her and towards the fire in the center of the yard where Gabe was entertaining half a dozen people. Zach settled into a recently abandoned Adirondack chair and tried to get lost in the elaborate story Gabe was telling. For a moment, Zach felt that this could have been any of the many parties Gabe had thrown during the time they had known each other. Gabe was charming a crowd, the music was pounding, people were flirting, dancing, and laughing. Also, a fight had almost broken out, someone was puking in the bushes, and a crying girl was being comforted by her friend.

Yes, it could have been any of the many parties Gabe had thrown, except for a few things: he had barely exchanged two words with anyone since the party began, Tori wasn’t by his side or on his lap, and he couldn’t keep his eyes off Shaun, who was standing a few feet away talking to two guys he didn’t know. Shaun’s ass was looking remarkably good in the new jeans he was wearing, and it was doing a much better job of distracting him from his worries than Gabe’s story was. The beer helped, too, and Zach was just about to get himself a third glass when a scantily-clad girl fell out of the sky and onto his lap.

Well, not quite out of the sky—she tripped on a loose rock in the yard and, in her inebriated state, wasn’t able to catch herself before tumbling into Zach’s arms.

“Whoa, you alright?” Zach said, helping her up and trying to look through the curtain of hair that had fallen in the girl’s face to see her face.

“Oh, my God, I am such a retard,” she said, flipping her hair over her shoulder. It was Kelly, Zach realized, Tori’s best friend and current roommate. Kelly, recognizing Zach as well, grinned. “Hey, Zach! Oh my God, how are you?” She launched herself back into Zach’s arms, engulfing him in a hug.

“I’m good,” he said, patting her back. He pulled away slightly. “How are you, Kelly?”

“Oh my God, I am so good. Tori and I live together now!”

“I know, I know. That’s great.”

“Our apartment is amazing. You have to come see it sometime.”

Zach smiled. “Sure.” Kelly was usually cheerful and bubbly, but this was over the top, even for her. She was clearly drunk.

Kelly frowned. “We never hang out anymore, Zach.”

“Well, I live in L.A. now …”

“Oh, yeah, that’s true. You live in L.A. now. With Gabe’s brother.”

Zach nodded curtly. “Yep. Hey, where is Tori?”

“Oh, she didn’t come.” Kelly leaned in close to him like she was telling a secret. “She didn’t really want to see you.”

“What? Why?” Zach knew Tori had kind of blown up at him the previous night, but he had mainly attributed it to her frustration with Greg.

“Well, you know.”

“No, I don’t. Kelly, is she mad at me?”

“Yeah … I mean no. Not mad, but just, like, you know?”

All Zach did know was that he had had more intelligent conversations with Cody. When he was two years old. “No, I don’t know. What’s wrong with Tori? I thought her and Greg were happy.”

“Oh, yeah, Greg is great. I mean, he’s really awesome to her and stuff, but … well, it’s just, you guys were … and now you’re … and she’s like … it’s just kind of hard for her.”

Zach nodded, finally actually starting to get what Kelly was saying. He knew that none of this had been easy on Tori, but he hadn’t realized that she was still dealing with it. He was beginning to see how it might have been insensitive of him to complain about things changing. While he had been off in L.A. starting a new life, she had been here all along, trying to adjust to a life without him. There used to be a time when they had both been certain they would spend the rest of their lives together. And, yeah, things had really changed.

“Well,” Zach said, “look, tell her I’m sorry about last night, OK? And that I want to talk to her. Do you think you could tell her that?”

“Oh, yeah, for sure,” Kelly said, and Zach was fairly certain that she would forget this entire conversation in the next two minutes.

“Well …” Zach said, trying to think of a way to slip away.

“Is it just me, or did you get cuter since you went gay?”

“Um, I gotta go.” So much for politeness, that conversation was over. Zach weaved through the crowd toward the keg.

Over the next two hours, Zach had three more beers, and did two shots of tequila. He caught up with friends from high school and played beer pong with Gabe, Steve, and six other people. He was finally starting to relax and feel like maybe not everything had changed. Maybe he could still be some of the guy he used to be—the parts he liked.


Sometime around two a.m., he realized he needed to piss like a racehorse. So, he did like most of the other guys did and forwent trekking all the way into the house to find a bathroom, and pissed in the bushes.


At first, he was too consumed by his strenuous task to notice much of his surroundings, but as he was zipping back up, he saw them: Billy and Jon, someone else he had gone to high school with. They were standing down a small hill just below the bushes where Zach was standing. There were a few people talking in groups close to them, but it was a little quieter there.


Zach wasn’t usually the type to care about other peoples’ business, or to stick his nose places it didn’t belong, but he found himself unable to take his eyes off of Billy and Jon. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe he was suspicious of Billy after how rudely he had acted since they had seen each other yesterday. Zach tried not to care, but he couldn’t help but notice how Billy had been avoiding him that whole night, slipping out of conversations that Zach got into, refusing to make eye contact with him whenever they came into close proximity.

Zach could see that Billy and Jon were engrossed in conversation. He couldn't quite hear what they were saying--only a word or two here and there. He was just about to turn back to the rest of the party, unsure why he hadn't already, when he heard Billy say his name. Zach turned back quickly, thinking at first that Billy had seen him and was calling him. He realized quickly that wasn't the case. Billy and Jon were still focused on each other, still in the middle of their conversation. Now that he knew they were talking about him, Zach decided that this was his business. He took a few steps down the hill so that he could hear them, but remained hidden in the shadows of the bushes.

“Shit,” Jon said, “I heard a rumor a month back, I didn’t actually think it was true.”

“It’s 100% true, man. Zach Sharpe is queer.”

“Dude …”

“I know. I mean, hey, I’ve got nothing against it, OK? People can do what they want. But do you know how much time I’ve spent half-naked around that guy? You know, surfing and stuff?”

“Yeah, seriously.”


“What if he was checking me out? That’s fucking sick.”

Don’t flatter yourself, Billy, Zach thought. He tried to motivate himself to turn around and return to the party. So Billy was an asshole—what else was new? They had never really been all that close anyways. Why should he care what some ignorant jerk thought?

“Dude,” he heard Jon say, “are you going to say something to him?”

Billy shook his head. “Nah, I don’t want to cause trouble. I’m just not going to hang with him anymore.”

That was finally enough for Zach. He returned towards the sounds of the party—the laughter, the music, the yells and squeals, and careless voices—wanting to be a part of it all, but feeling far away.