Pillow Talk

Title: Pillow Talk
A Shelter One-Shot
Author: Jessica ([info]sam_cdn )
Disclaimer: I do not own and did not create the film Shelter. I am making no profit off of this.
A/N: This bit of silliness came to me in a flash, and I had to write it out. At the very least, I hope it's entertaining!


Shaun blinked slowly, half-expecting that when he opened his eyes, he would see a cold pillow beside him, and not the face he had been dreaming about in agony the past few weeks. But as he opened his eyes, he saw that yes, his dreams had come true, for here was Zach, staring right back at him. Shaun smiled, and Zach did too and inched a bit closer. They were lying on their sides, facing each other, having just made love for the first time since that horrible day that Shaun hated to think about when Gabe had come back, and he had called Zach a coward, and Zach told him that they were done.

Shaun blinked again, this time to try and help compose himself, to force himself to not think about that time. Instead, he focused on what had happened that day: this morning, he had been packing his bags to go back to L.A. alone, and now he had Zach in his bed and Cody, safe, in the room just across the hall from them

Zach reached out and brushed a hand down the side of Shaun’s face. Shaun smiled comfortably, and caught the hand, drawing it in to his chest.

“You’re beautiful too, you know.”

The statement came so suddenly and so unexpectedly, it took Shaun a moment to take it in. Was it really Zach saying these words? “What?” he said, because it fell out of his mouth before anything more coherent could.

Zach turned red suddenly, and pulled his had away. “Nevermind.”

“No, no,” Shaun said, forcing himself not to grin and divulge how incredibly adorable he was finding Zach just now. “Babe, I’m sorry, I heard you. I just … wasn’t expecting it.” He reached out and grabbed Zach’s hand again. “Thank you.”

Zach smiled a little with the side of his mouth. “I just … I don’t think I ever said anything like that to you, and … I just wanted you to know … I mean, I wanted you to know that I do notice—I mean, when I look at you, I—”

“I know,” Shaun said, deciding it was about time he relieved Zach from his embarrassment. God, this kid can get embarrassed easily, he thought, then had to stop himself from grinning again. “I know it’s hard for you, and I really appreciate you saying it now.”

“Well … you’re welcome.”

“Zach,” Shaun said, ”you haven’t done anything worth being embarrassed about. Somehow, you just made me happier than I already was, and I wouldn’t have thought that was even possible.”

Finally, Zach smiled. “I’m happy too.”

They grinned stupidly at each other for a moment longer, before Shaun pushed the covers off the bed. “Now,” he said, allowing his eyes to feast on Zach’s naked body, “I think I might have mentioned this before, but I find you to be quite attractive as well.”

Zach raised an eyebrow. “Really? Wow, I never knew.”

Shaun nodded solemnly, and started to run his hand down the length of Zach’s body. “Yes, I know, I normally hide it so well.”

At this, Zach burst out laughing. “Dude, you’re so weird sometimes.”

Shaun grinned back at him, then grabbed Zach suddenly, and pulled his body up to his. “What did I say about calling me dude in bed?”

Zach hadn’t stopped laughing. “I’m sorry, what’s better? ‘Man’? ‘Bro’? ‘Partner’?” Zach stopped laughing suddenly, and his eyes widened.

Shaun grew serious as well, and even though he knew that wasn’t what Zach meant, he said: “What did you say?”

“I—I didn’t mean … I just meant it like ‘howdy, partner,’ you know? Shit, never mind, I’m an idiot.”

Shaun chuckled. “No, you’re not. I know that’s what you meant.”

“Right. So, let’s just forget it.”

“Sure,” Shaun said, but then thought about it for a moment. He didn’t want to push Zach, or make it too much too soon for either of them, but after the day they had had, it somehow seemed right. And considering the opportunity that had just arisen, he was tempted to think that it was fate. “Or, we could not forget it.”

Zach looked at him with a guarded expression. “What d’you mean?”

“Well, listen, if you’re not into it, it’s fine, but what if we did start using the term partners?”

“Instead of boyfriends?”

“Yeah.”

Zach looked down at the bed, and Shaun could practically see the wheels turning in his brain. “Sounds kind of like we’re business partners or something.”

“Yeah, I know, it isn’t the best term, but it’s fairly universal now. People know what it means. It’s just … it’s a way of saying we’re together that’s a little more serious than saying we’re boyfriends.”

Zach nodded, but didn’t say anything. “Listen,” Shaun continued, “if it’s too serious too soon, that’s totally fine, we can wait.”

“Well, we are going to live together.”

“True.”

“I’m not crazy about calling you my boyfriend either. It sounds so … high school.”

Shaun chuckled. “I know.”

Finally Zach looked up and met Shaun’s eyes. “All right, let’s do it.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

Shaun grinned. “Cool.” He paused. “I’ve never called any guy my ‘partner’ before.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really.”

There was a comfortable silence before Zach said: “So … should we shake on it or something?”

Shaun grinned. “I can think of something better than shaking.”

Zach bit his lip, and reached under the covers to slide his hand along Shaun’s thigh. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

The Way Home: Chapter Ten (conclusion)

Title: The Way Home
A Shelter Fanfic
Author: Jessica (sam_cdn )
Rating: NC-17 
Summary: This story opens a little over two months after Shaun, Zach, and Cody have moved to Valencia. This will be a multi-chaptered story, telling the tale of what happens next. There will be plenty of happiness, sappiness, and general domestic bliss. There will be some hotness and some smuttiness. There will also be some angst, some anger, some sadness, and some pain. There will be some attempts at humor, but I'm not promising you'll laugh. Hold on tight, I've got a lot of story to tell!
Disclaimer: I do not own and did not create the film Shelter. I am making no profit off of this.

Zach woke up slowly on Christmas morning to a warm, wet mouth around his dick. As he realized what was going on, he let out a faint moan, and the giver of his pleasure looked up at him lazily, gently releasing him, only to say, “Merry Christmas,” and then returned to his task.

Zach closed his eyes again, and made a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a groan. “Very merry,” he mumbled, his brain fuzzily processing the fact that it was, indeed, December 25^th, and that a very excited little boy would probably be bounding into the room shortly. He turned his head to look at the clock, and saw that it was just past five a.m., so he figured they were safe for a little while longer. He relaxed, and surrendered.

*          *            *

They were interrupted an hour later by both Cody and Gabe bursting into the room and announcing that it was Christmas, Santa had come, and they had presents to open. Fortunately, Zach and Shaun had changed into pyjamas by that point, and were simply dozing, waiting for the invasion. Zach wasn’t sure who was more excited: Cody or Gabe.

The presents were all opened within an hour. Cody was spoiled with a mountain of toys from Zach, Shaun, and Gabe. The three men all had gifts to exchange amongst one another, and Shaun and Gabe had received checks from their parents with Hallmark cards expressing their regret that they couldn’t all spend Christmas together. “Yeah,” Gabe said as he tossed his card aside, “it’s a real shame that you had to spend the holidays in your lodge in Switzerland.”

When it was all finished, Gabe left to call some girl he had been hitting on back in S.B. to wish her a Merry Christmas. Zach settled back on the couch and watched as Shaun attempted to get the remote control airplane Cody had received from them working. He was having trouble getting the plane to actually lift off the ground, and Cody was starting to get impatient, reaching to try to get the control out of Shaun’s hands. Zach was smiling, though, looking at his nephew (his son) and this man (his boyfriend, his lover, his partner). This was his family. This was all he needed. And then he remembered.

The gift wasn’t under the tree with the others—Zach had put it aside in his and Shaun’s room: the gift that Jeanne had given Cody. Zach didn’t even know what it was, but he knew that it was Cody’s to open, so he silently left the room to fetch the present.

“Cody,” he said as he reentered the living room, “you’ve got to open the gift from your mom.”

Shaun had finally managed to get the model airplane airborne, and Cody was in control, but as soon as he saw Zach with a new gift, the plane was forgotten and dropped to the floor along with the controller.

“Cody!” Shaun said. He picked up the plane and inspected it for damage. “Try to be a little more careful.”

“Sorry,” Cody said, but his eyes were on the present in his hands.

Zach looked at Shaun, who met his eyes and put the plane down on the coffee table. They watched as Cody tore into the wrapping paper. It was a plain white box, which Cody opened to find a picture frame, nestled in tissue paper. Looking over the top of the box, Zach could see the picture frame contained a photograph he recognized: it was about a year ago, and it was one of those rare occasions that Jeanne had accompanied Zach and Cody to the beach. Zach didn’t know what had gotten into her that day, but Jeanne was in an uncharacteristically playful mood, and spent most of the time digging around with Cody in the sand. At one point, Zach caught them both laughing and they looked so happy, and so much like a mother and son should, he needed to capture the moment. He pulled his latest disposable camera out of his bag, glad that he always kept one on him, and snapped a couple of shots of his sister and nephew laughing and playing together. The frame Cody now held in his hands contained one of these photographs, Jeanne holding Cody close, both of them looking at the camera and laughing openly. Zach was surprised to see it: he gave the photo to Jeanne after he had gotten it developed, but she hadn’t expressed much enthusiasm over it, so he just assumed she had thrown the picture away.

“That’s a great picture of you and your mom, Cody,” Shaun said.

“Yeah,” said Cody. He stared at the picture a moment longer, then tossed it aside and stood up. “Could you help me get the plane flying again?”

Shaun chuckled. “Sure, bud.”

Zach sat down on the couch and picked up the picture. It really was a great shot. They would put it up on the wall in Cody’s room. He continued to stare at the photograph waiting for the guilt to come over being a better parent than his sister, or the sadness that Cody would never really have a mother, but none of it came. He felt only joy that Cody would have a stable home and loving parents. As much as anything could be, that was now a certainty. He accepted that Jeanne would only play a small role in Cody’s life and he thought that probably, giving Cody this picture meant that Jeanne had accepted that too. This was probably the most harmonious their family had ever been. It was sad that it took falling apart for that too happen, but Zach couldn’t bring himself to feel too badly about it because he had a new family now. He also knew that Jeanne wasn’t alone either: it seemed as though she had found love and although he found Allan pretty repulsive as a human being, he supposed that if he made his sister happy, Zach could accept their relationship, even encourage it.

As he sat there, thinking about how it had all worked out for the moment, he knew that there was one more reconciliation he needed to make sure happened this trip. He stood up and went over to Shaun. “Hey,” he said, “I’m going to go out for a bit.”

Shaun looked away from the airplane Cody was flying around the room and frowned. “What? Where?”

“I’ll tell you after,” he said, already leaving the room. “I’ll try not to be too long.”

As he drove the familiar route from Laguna to San Pedro, he was again consumed by the feeling that he was going back in time. This was different from how it felt when they had first arrived back in town. The fear he felt before was gone, and he felt more certain, more purposeful.

Tori’s parents’ house was only a few blocks away from where Zach had been living with Jeanne and Cody only a few months ago. It was strange to see that the neighborhood hadn’t changed when it seemed like so much had happened since the last time he was here. Of course, he realized, he had only been gone a few months. It just felt like longer.

He parked on the street and rang the doorbell. He was glad to see only Tori’s parents’ car in the driveway. No relatives were there yet, which would hopefully make things slightly less awkward. Tori’s father answered. “Zach!”

Zach put on the most comfortable smile he could summon. “Hey, Bruce. Merry Christmas.”

“Well, Merry Christmas, Zach,” he said, shaking Zach’s hand. “Come on in.”

Zach entered the familiar house. He had spent almost as much time there as at Gabe’s house throughout his teenage years, so it was no wonder it felt so comfortable.

“I have to say,” Bruce said, “I’m a little surprised to see you here.”

“I know. I don’t want to intrude or anything. I was just hoping that Tori might be available to talk?”

Bruce eyed Zach for a moment, and Zach thought he had good reason to be suspicious. Though the reasons he and Tori had broken up were good ones, Zach knew that he had hurt this man’s daughter. It was only natural that he be guarded. “I’ll find out if she’s available,” he finally said. Zach noticed that he had not been invited in beyond the front entrance.

Tori appeared in the hallway a moment later. Zach was relieved to see her smile when she came up to him. “Hey,” he said.

“Hey.”

“Merry Christmas.”

“You too.”

They stood awkwardly in the entrance for a moment. Zach realized he didn’t know exactly what he wanted to say. “Look,” he said, “do you want to sit out front or something? I just thought we should talk.”

“All right,” Tori said, and they went outside and sat on the front steps of the house.

Zach let out a slow breath. He thought of Shaun’s usual way of saying just the right thing to show that he understood what Zach was feeling. “I think maybe I haven’t been fair to you.”

Tori looked at him frowning. “Zach, you’ve never done anything to hurt me.”

“Not on purpose, but … I don’t know. When Shaun and I were planning on coming back here for Christmas, I just had so much on my mind. And with everything with Jeanne and Cody and all, I guess I didn’t think too much about how coming back here would make you feel.”

Tori rolled her eyes as if Zach had just said something silly and inconsequential. “Zach, I hope I wouldn’t have affected your decision to come here. We both know that it was important that you did.”

“Well, yeah, but … that day on the beach—”

“Oh, God, just forget about that. Really. I was in a bad mood that night, that’s all.”

Zach thought about how easy it would be to smile and say “OK” and forget about the whole thing. He knew Tori well, though, and knew that she wasn’t telling the entire truth. “You also didn’t come to Gabe’s party.”

Tori shrugged. “I was tired.”

Zach met her eyes. “Tori, come on, after all this time, you could at least be honest with me.”

Tori looked like she was about to say something, but stopped herself. After a moment, she said, “It isn’t that I still have feelings for you, you know.” Zach nodded. “I mean, of course I care about you—I always will. I think I just … well, it was more of a shock than I expected to see you with Shaun.”

Zach looked down at the pavement steps. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” Tori said, suddenly grabbing Zach’s arm, “don’t apologize, OK? You didn’t do anything wrong. You know, I’ve been thinking about this a lot over the past few days and … well, I guess I’m not as OK with everything as I thought I was. Things just aren’t working between me and Greg, and you and I were together for so long. I think I need to work some things out on my own for now.”

Zach nodded. “What can I do?”

Tori laughed. “Nothing, monkey. Just carry on with your wonderful new life and don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”

“I’ll always be there for you, Tor. You know that, right?”

Tori smiled. “I know. I appreciate that.”

They were quiet for a moment. They watched a car drive by, and felt a gentle breeze cool their skin. “Hey,” Tori said suddenly, as if she had just remembered something, “what did happen with Jeanne? Is everything OK?”

“Oh, yeah,” Zach said. He grinned. “She’s going to give me full parental rights.”

Tori raised her eyebrows. “And … you’re happy about this, right?”

“Are you kidding? Of course I am. I mean, a year ago, maybe I wouldn’t have been, but Shaun and I have been wanting this so badly.” He stopped speaking, realizing what he had just said. He looked at Tori and she was smiling at him.

“I’m happy for you guys. I really am.”

Zach looked back at her and touched her hand. “Thanks, monkey.”

Zach got back to the Laguna mansion just in time for brunch: blueberry pancakes, scrambled eggs, bacon, and oranges. “Smells good in here,” Zach said as he walked into the kitchen.

“Hey!” Shaun said, turning from the stove where he was frying bacon. “Where the heck have you been?”

Zach walked up behind Shaun and wrapped his arms around his waist. He kissed Shaun’s neck. “I was wishing Tori a merry Christmas.”

Shaun’s face was turned slightly toward Zach and he could see his eyebrows rise. “Yeah? And you had to drop everything and do it at that very moment?”

Zach gave Shaun a squeeze. “Yeah.”

Shaun turned around to face Zach and gave him a peck on the lips. “Well, all right then. I’m just glad you’re back for brunch, because we have a hell of a lot of food to eat.”

Zach grinned. “I think I can help you out there.”

Together, they carried dishes of food into the dining room, where Cody was busy pouring over the Wii games he had gotten for Christmas. The games were moved off the table to make room for food, and the three of them dug into their feast, ravenous after a busy morning of opening presents.

After a few moments of silent chowing down, Cody looked up from the mountain of food on his plate. “Zach?” he said.

“Yep?”

“Can we do this again next Christmas?”

Zach wasn’t sure exactly what Cody meant by that. He could have been referring to spending Christmas at the mansion, or it might have been getting a whole bunch of gifts, or it could have simply been having a decadent brunch after unwrapping presents. The one possibility that stood out the most to Zach, though, was that he was referring to the three of them spending Christmas together, as a family. So Zach grinned and said, “Yeah, buddy, we can. We will.”

THE END

The Way Home: Chapter Nine

Title: The Way Home
A Shelter Fanfic
Author: Jessica (sam_cdn )
Rating: NC-17

Summary: This story opens a little over two months after Shaun, Zach, and Cody have moved to Valencia. This will be a multi-chaptered story, telling the tale of what happens next. There will be plenty of happiness, sappiness, and general domestic bliss. There will be some hotness and some smuttiness. There will also be some angst, some anger, some sadness, and some pain. There will be some attempts at humor, but I'm not promising you'll laugh. Hold on tight, I've got a lot of story to tell!
Disclaimer: I do not own and did not create the film Shelter. I am making no profit off of this.

When Zach entered the kitchen the next morning, he could tell by the large bottle of Gatorade Gabe was drinking and the massive quantity of eggs and hash browns he was cooking that he was as hung over as Zach was. The aroma of frying eggs somehow both enticed and revolted Zach as he leaned up against the island.

“Morning,” he said to Gabe’s back.

Gabe turned away from the stove and managed a weak grin. “Hey, man. Hungry?”

“Yeah. No. I don’t know.”

“Heh, yeah, me too. Well, I’m making food.”

Zach nodded and rubbed his head. He grabbed the bottle of Gatorade, took a sip, and nearly spewed it back out again. Better to just not put anything in my mouth, Zach thought.

“Is Shaun up?” Gabe asked.

“No, he’s dead to the world.”

“Cool.” Gabe flipped the eggs, and then joined Zach at the island. “So, you have fun last night?”

“Yeah,” Zach said automatically, but without much enthusiasm.

“Yeah, right, doesn’t sound like it.”

Zach rubbed his forehead some more. “No, man, it was cool. Mostly.”

 “It never feels like as much fun when you’re feeling like shit the next morning, right?”

Zach laughed. “Yeah, that’s definitely part of it. Hey, you see Billy much?”

Gabe’s grin faltered and he took a moment to answer. “We meet up and surf when I’m back here, but not really. Why’re you asking?”

He shrugged quickly, trying to be as nonchalant as he possibly could. “Ah, no reason. I saw him last night and I just—I don’t know, I was curious.”

Gabe had a rare serious look on his face, and he leaned a little closer to Zach. “Did he say something to you?”

“Why’re you asking me that?”

“Look, dude, I know what Billy is like. I know he can be a dick, and I know he’s—well, he can be stupid about some shit. If he said something to you—”

“He didn’t. I just heard him say something.”

“Yeah, well, forget it, dude. He’s just a fucking asshole and not worth your time.”

Zach shrugged. “I don’t know, man. We used to be pretty tight with him.”

“So? Dude, when Shaun first came out, I mentioned something to Billy, and that guy said some fucking ignorant shit. He’s just like that. You know, I wasn’t even going to call him yesterday, but then Steve wanted him to come, and then, you know.”

Zach frowned. “After Shaun came out, you said something about it to Billy?”

“Yeah. So?”

“You never said anything to me. I just kind of figured it out on my own.”

Gabe grinned. “Yeah, you obviously did. What did you do? Jump Shaun and see how he’d react?”

Zach glared at his best friend. “Fuck off, man.”

“Seriously, you obviously didn’t need any help from me figuring it out. What’s wrong? Do you wish I’d told you sooner so that you could have started with the man sex years ago?”

“Dude—”

“Cause, I don’t know, man, maybe it was better that it took this long, you know? I mean, if we’d been younger, it would have been weird, and—”

“Shut the fuck up, Gabe, you’ve had your fun.”

“No, really, I—well, good morning, sunshine! We were just talking about you.”

Zach turned around to see Shaun shuffling into the kitchen, yawning and rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

“Oh yeah?” he said. “About how awesome I am and how you both wish you could surf as well as I do?”

Zach and Gabe looked at each other and both burst into laughter. At first, it only seemed a little bit funny, but once they started to laugh, neither could stop. They both had tears running down their cheeks and were holding their stomachs by the time they finally got a hold of themselves.

Shaun stood at the head of the island, his arms crossed across his chest. “Fuck both of you.”

“Hey, man,” Gabe said, turning back to the stove, “just Zach, all right? Fucking me would just be wrong on so many levels.”

Shaun found this funny enough to break his angry façade, but Zach was immediately sobered up. “I’m going to fucking kill you, Gabe.”

“Whatever, man.”

The three of them shared a greasy breakfast, and were all feeling better within an hour. As Zach’s hangover wore off, he started to think about what was going to happen that day. He and Shaun would be taking Cody back from Jeanne, which was a good thing, but then they would be having their talk with Jeanne, which brought Zach a considerable amount of stress. At the same time, though, he just wanted to get the whole thing over-with. He was tired of waiting and worrying.

*          *            *

They were silent during the ride over, but once they were parked in the hotel parking lot and were about to get out of the car, Shaun leaned over, placed his hand on Zach’s knee and looked right into Zach’s eyes. “It’s going to be fine.”

Zach nodded quickly, looking away, not wanting to argue, just wanting this to be done.

“And no matter what happens, I’m going to be here for you.”

Zach moved his eyes back to Shaun’s face and nodded again, this time more slowly. He lifted a hand, brought it to his partner’s cheek, and their lips met for a brief, comforting kiss.

They went into the hotel lobby and found Jeanne sitting on one of the couches, and Cody kneeling in front of the coffee table, coloring in a coloring book Zach had packed in his overnight bag. He looked up as Zach and Shaun approached them, and his face was immediately lit up by a grin. “Daddy!” he said as he got up and sprinted over to Zach. For a split second he wished Cody hadn’t called him that because he could only imagine how it would make Jeanne feel, but then he didn’t care because he was holding Cody in his arms, Cody who thought of him as his father.

Cody quickly wriggled out of Zach’s hug. “Shaun!”

“Hey, ankle biter,” Shaun said.

“Did you have fun?” Zach asked after Shaun and Cody had hugged.

Cody nodded. “Yeah. We swam at the pool and went to McDonald’s for dinner.”

Zach looked at Jeanne who had stood up to join them, and smiled. “Sounds like a blast.”

Jeanne nodded and crossed her arms over her chest. “Yeah, it went great. Look, there’s a coffee shop across the street. Let’s go have a talk over there.”

Zach felt his stomach flip, and not in the good way. “All right,” was all he said.

They crossed the street to the café. They got coffees and a chocolate milk for Cody, and found a table to sit at. Cody immediately spotted a small play area in the corner with a massive bin of building blocks, and went off to play.

“All right, Jeanne,” Zach said when they had sat down, “what’s this about?”

Jeanne glared at him. “You don’t have to be so impatient.”

“I’m not—” Zach stopped himself, forcing himself to relax. “I’m sorry. I’m just—curious to know what you want to talk about.”

Jeanne took a deep breath, and readjusted her position in her chair. “Alright. Well, this is something I’ve been thinking about for awhile, but, um … I guess I needed to spend this time with Cody to make sure of it.”

Zach closed his eyes. Here it comes, he thought. She’s going to take him away from us and we’re not going to be able to do a single thing about it.

“Let’s face it: I’m not cut out for being a mother.”

Zach opened his eyes.

“And you—” She paused, then moved here eyes from Zach to Shaun, “and you are better parents than I could ever be.”

Zach looked at Shaun, then back at Jeanne, afraid to believe what he was hearing, because if it wasn’t true, he would never recover from it.

“I want to give up my parental rights,” Jeanne said. “I want to give them to you, Zach.”

There was silence at the table while everyone absorbed this. Zach suddenly felt like he could breathe again after months of holding his breath, just waiting for something to happen to take his wonderful new family away from him. He looked at Shaun, who was grinning back at him, and finally let himself smile. He looked at Jeanne, “Jeanne, I don’t know—”

“What? You don’t want him? I thought that—”

“No! No, of course we want him. I just … I’m just not sure what to say to you right now.”

Jeanne looked at him for a moment, and Zach could see sadness in her eyes, but also resolve, and even relief. “I just want the best thing for him. And this is the best thing.”

Zach nodded. “Yeah.”

“Well,” she said, “I made an appointment with this lawyer I’ve been talking to. He’ll have all the paperwork we have to sign and everything, and then … that’ll be it. Are you guys free tomorrow afternoon?”

“Sure.”

“Good.” Jeanne pulled a pen out of her bag and wrote a name and address down on a napkin. “That’s the lawyer’s name and his office. We need to be there at two.”

“OK.”

They all sat in silence for what seemed like a long time. Zach was so happy and relieved, he could hardly think. He knew, though, that this was probably the hardest thing Jeanne had ever had to do before, and he wanted her to know how strong he knew she was being. He reached over and placed a hand on her arm. “You’re doing the right thing. Cody’s going to have a good life with us.”

Jeanne nodded. “I know.”

“Thank you, Jeanne.”

Jeanne shrugged. “It’s not like I’m giving you a present or something.”

“You kind of are.”

Jeanne met his eyes and nodded again. “Yeah. Well, I guess I’ll go say goodbye to him.”

“Yeah, go ahead,” Zach said. He and Shaun watched Jeanne as she went over to the play area and knelt down next to Cody to speak to him. Zach looked at Shaun, who smiled back at him. “Don’t even think about saying ‘I told you so.’

Shaun grinned. “I wasn’t going to say anything. I’m just happy you can stop worrying so we can get on with our lives.”

“That,” Zach said, reaching across the table to put his hand on Shaun’s arm, “sounds like a great plan.”

They watched Jeanne as she gave Cody a hug, then pulled something out of her bag. From where they were sitting, Zach could see it was a box, wrapped in Christmas paper, tied with a red bow. Jeanne handed the package to Cody, ruffled his hair, then walked quickly out of the café.

Cody came over to the table, holding his gift.

“What have you got there?” Shaun asked.

“A present. But Jeanne said I can’t open it until Christmas.”

“Of course not,” Shaun gasped as though horrified by the thought of opening a gift before Christmas. “It’s good she told you, but just in case you forget—” he reached over and snatched the gift out of Cody’s hands, “I think I’d better hand on to this.”

Cody’s eyes widened. “Shaun! Give it!”

Shaun held the present high above Cody’s head, while the boy continued to swipe at it in a useless attempt to reach that high. Zach watched the two of them, laughing and teasing each other, playing and happy and felt like he could watch them forever. And then, he realized that he could, that Jeanne had just given him that.

As they headed back to the car, Cody between the two men, he tugged on Zach hand. “Daddy?”

Zach looked down at Cody, this time feeling no guilt over being called that. “Yep?”

“Jeanne said she’s not going to see me for a long time. Is she going away?”

“She’s going back to Portland, Codes.”

“Yeah, but she said we needed to say goodbye. She didn’t say that last time.”

Zach glanced at Shaun, who was looking back at him. “Well,” Shaun said, “it might be longer this time before you see her.”

“Oh,” Cody said, looking down at the gift he had managed to steal back, and then straight ahead. Zach watched him, seeing his young, usually carefree face full of uncharacteristic seriousness. Zach could see he was trying to work something out, that he was on the brink of realizing something that maybe he wasn’t ready to understand. One day he would know that his mother had never been able to be a real parent to him, that she had chosen a boyfriend and a better job over her son, but he didn’t need to know that now. Right now, all Zach wanted him to know was that he had two parents who loved him and would do anything for him. He wanted his happy, carefree five-year-old back, so he gave Cody’s shoulders a squeeze and said, “Hey, buddy, we’d better hurry back to the house, because there’s a very important job that we need to get done once we’re there.”

Cody looked at him. “What?”

“We have a Christmas tree to decorate! Also, I think there’s a whole bunch of hot chocolate in the cupboard that needs to get drunk, so we’re going to need your help on that one. What do you think? Can you give us a hand?”

“Yeah,” Cody said, a grin breaking across his face.

They spent the evening blasting horrible Christmas music over the living room stereo system, and decorating an old, artificial tree they had found in the basement with decorations Shaun and Gabe said they hadn’t seen in years. They ate popcorn and pizza and drank way too much hot chocolate. Zach knew, even as it was happening, that it would be a night that they would remember for the rest of their lives, and somehow, that made it seem less real to him. In fact, all of it felt a little like a dream, but Zach was finally starting to feel like maybe it was a dream he wasn’t going to wake up from..

The Way Home: Chapter Eight

Title: The Way Home
A Shelter Fanfic
Author: Jessica ([info]sam_cdn )
Rating: NC-17
Summary: This story opens a little over two months after Shaun, Zach, and Cody have moved to Valencia. This will be a multi-chaptered story, telling the tale of what happens next. There will be plenty of happiness, sappiness, and general domestic bliss. There will be some hotness and some smuttiness. There will also be some angst, some anger, some sadness, and some pain. There will be some attempts at humor, but I'm not promising you'll laugh. Hold on tight, I've got a lot of story to tell!

Disclaimer: I do not own and did not create the film Shelter. I am making no profit off of this.

Zach lay awake next to Shaun, staring at the ceiling. It was six o’clock in the morning, but he knew he wasn’t going to fall back to sleep. He’d been awake for the past hour, and had tossed and turned all night. He finally gave in to wakefulness and allowed the same thoughts to play in an endless loop in his mind.

They would be seeing Jeanne in a few hours and she was going to be taking Cody for the rest of the day. She and Allen were staying at a Holiday Inn, and Jeanne said there was a pool there where she wanted to take Cody. Zach didn’t understand why anyone would swim in a pool when the ocean was right next door, but Jeanne had never been the ocean-loving type.

None of this worried Zach too much. Other than his concern over how Cody would react to being with Jeanne after her leaving him, he didn’t really have a problem with Jeanne wanting to spend some time with him. He had been apprehensive at first, but had ultimately decided that Cody was better off having Jeanne play some sort of role in his life, rather than abandoning him completely.

What Zach was really concerned about was this Big Talk that Jeanne kept saying they had to have. She seemed intent on drawing out the suspense, and insisted that they didn’t discuss whatever it was she wanted to discuss until after she had had her initial visit with Cody. Zach had been thinking about this endlessly for the past month: what did it mean? Was Jeanne waiting until after her visit with Cody because the visit was going to determine something? Did she think that what she had to say would cause Zach to cancel the visit? Or were they completely unrelated? Maybe she just thought that after the visit would be a better time, for no particular reason. Jeanne could be fussy that way.

Zach turned on his side to face Shaun, who appeared to be sleeping peacefully. It didn’t matter how many simple explanations he came up with to explain Jeanne’s behavior, the worst-case scenario continued to be the only one he believed to be possible. Now, he could only bring himself to believe that Jeanne wanted to talk to him so that she could take Cody back, and break up this family that Zach had finally found happiness in.

Considering how many disappointments had determined the course of Zach’s life, he couldn’t help but be pessimistic. Shaun, of course, was the complete opposite with his always-positive outlook on life, which was one of the things Zach loved most about him. No matter what happened, at least he knew he would have Shaun there for him in the end. But he hated considering that possibility of the worst happening. And yet, he couldn’t help but think about it.

Zach sighed heavily and turned onto his back again. He was so sick of thinking about this. He wished he could sleep.

“You’ve been tossing and turning for the past twenty minutes,” Shaun mumbled suddenly.

Zach blinked and turned his head a little to look at Shaun. “Sorry. Did I wake you?”

“That’s OK. You worrying about today?”

Zach nodded. “I don’t know what to think.”

“She just wants to see him, Zach.”

“I think she wants more.”

“Well, maybe, but we don’t know, do we? So what’s the point in worrying about it?”

“I can’t help it.”

Shaun’s hand slid along Zach’s stomach under the covers. “Maybe I can do something to help take your mind off things.”

“Shaun …” The hand started to move lower, and Zach grabbed it, stilling it. “I’m sorry, not now, OK? I just …”

Shaun nodded. “All right.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.” Shaun pulled his hand out and opened his arms. “How about we just try and get some sleep?”

Zach nodded and scooted closer to Shaun, letting the older man wrap him up in his arms. He didn’t expect to get any sleep, but he knew being held close would help him relax a little. It always did.

* * *

“Do I have to go see Jeanne?”

“Yeah, Cody.”

“Is Allen going to be there?”

“Yes, he is.”

“What’s a Holiday Inn?”

“It’s a hotel.”

A pause. “Is it called that because you go in there on your holiday?”

The two men in the front of the car had to bite their lips to keep from laughing, and shared a smile for the first time that day. “No, Cody,” Shaun answered, “but that’s a smart idea. An inn is another word for hotel.”

“Then why didn’t they call it the Holiday Hotel?”

“Hmm,” Shaun said, changing into the right-hand lane, “that’s a good question. I don’t know.”

Zach sat quietly in the passenger’s seat, feeling the same way he had when he had been en route to other dreaded events: visiting his father in the hospital after his accident, on his way to pick up Jeanne from the police station when she’d been arrested for a DUI five years ago, on his way to his mother’s funeral. He tried to tell himself that he was overreacting, that this was nothing like any of those horrible times in his life. Then, he thought, yes, but what if this was the beginning of one?

“We’re here,” Shaun said, much too soon. They were parked in front of the tan Holiday Inn building Zach must have had driven past a million times in his life.

They got out of the car and Zach helped Cody out of his car seat. He held Cody’s hand as they walked to the main entrance. It wasn’t that he didn’t think Cody could safely cross the parking lot without Zach holding on to him. It was that Zach needed to remind himself that Cody was still there, that he wasn’t losing him. That he wouldn’t lose him.

When they were only a few steps away from the doors, Shaun’s hand slid across his back and to hold his waist. Zach’s first instinct was to pull away, but he stopped himself. He thought of the day when Jeanne had left for Oregon, how he had arrived at the house with Shaun and had made a point of taking Shaun’s hand. He wanted to show Jeanne that they were together now. Hell, yes, he was having his big gay wedding, and he didn’t care if she had a problem with it. He thought of the three of them walking into the lobby, all holding on to each other, showing how they weren’t just Shaun, Zach and Cody anymore: they were a family.

As promised, Jeanne was waiting for them by the couches in the lobby. As soon as Zach saw her, he immediately felt guilty for wanting to shove his joy in her face. She looked all right—healthier, in fact, than he had seen her look in a long time. It seemed like there were less lines on her face, more color in her cheeks. Her clothes looked better as well. At least, her t-shirt covered her stomach and her jeans were new, not the same ones she had been wearing since she was fourteen. The source of his guilt was the look on her face when they entered: Zach had never seen Jeanne look so sad. When she had first spotted them, it looked like she had started to smile, but then she really saw them—noticed the way they were walking, all attached and defiant, and the smile seemed to crumble away, collapsing into a lost, resigned look.

Shaun must have seen it to, because he let his arm drop from Zach’s waste. Zach kept a hold of Cody’s hand, though. He couldn’t bring himself to let go.

“Hey, Jeanne,” he said, offering her a smile.

She gave a tight smile back. “Hi guys,” she said, then bent to Cody’s level. “Hey, Cody. How’s it going?”

Zach felt Cody’s grip tighten on his hand, and felt the little boy press his body closer to Zach. “Fine.”

“What’s wrong? Didn’t you miss me?”

Cody gave a weak shrug, then moved even closer to Zach. He thought he should feel glad that Cody was demonstrating his obvious preference for Zach and Shaun to Jeanne, but he didn’t. As he watched Jeanne realize this as well, he felt horrible. He knelt down next to Cody. “Come on, Codes, don’t do this shy thing. You and your Mom are going to spend a fun day together, all right?”



Cody nodded, and looked at Jeanne. “Is Allen here?”

“No, Allen is busy today. It’s just going to be you and me.” Jeanne cut her eyes quickly to Zach, then looked back at her son.

Zach stood up and there was an awkward silence. Zach was starting to think it was time they said goodbye, when Shaun suddenly spoke: “So how’s Portland treating you, Jeanne?”

At first, Jeanne seemed so surprised to be addressed by Shaun that she only blinked at him. Then, realizing what Shaun had asked, she seemed to catch herself. “Good. Things are really good.”

“That’s great. What’s the job again?”

“Oh, we’re … Allen and I are superintendents at an apartment complex. He takes care of, you know, fixing things and painting … stuff, and I clean.”

Shaun nodded. “Cool. So how does that work? Do you get free rent or something?”

“Not really—it’s factored into our pay. But it’s a good job. I mean, we’re making way more than we ever did here.” She shrugged. “We’re actually saving some money now.”

Shaun smiled. “Good for you guys. I’m glad to hear things are going well.”

“Thanks,” Jeanne said, then looked at Zach.

Zach realized he was expected to say something, so he offered a smile as an apology, and said, “Yeah, congrats, Jeanne.”

She nodded, and they were silent again, but some of the tension that had been there earlier seemed to have lifted.

“Well,” Shaun said, looking at Zach, “I guess we should …”

“Yeah.” He looked at Jeanne. “Listen, if you’re going to take him swimming, you know you need to stay close to him, right? He can swim, but sometimes he needs a hand, and you have to be there to help him. And make him wait a bit before he goes in the water after he eats, or he’ll throw up in the pool. And—”

“Zach,” Jeanne cut him off, “I think I can handle it. He’s my son.”

Zach sighed and forced himself not to look at Shaun. “Yeah. Well, I guess that’s it then. I’ll see you tomorrow, all right, Cody?”

They said their goodbyes, and Zach handed Jeanne Cody’s overnight bag. As he and Shaun turned back towards the door, he reached over and took Shaun’s hand, needing to feel its warmth in his.

* * *

When they got back to the house, they found Gabe, pacing back and forth in the kitchen, his cell phone against his ear in one hand, an energy drink gripped in the other.

“Yeah, man, totally,” he said into his phone, “bring everyone you can get … tonight, man, it’s gonna be epic … totally, totally … all right, cool, man … late.” He clicked the end button and looked up at Zach and Shaun. “Good, you’re back! Party here tonight, all right? It’s gonna be huge—everyone’s coming.”

Everyone’s coming. That’s what he always said because when people heard that Gabe Brookes was throwing a party, they were sure to come. Zach leaned against the island. “I don’t know if I’m in the mood, man.” He had been fantasizing about collapsing in front of the huge flat screen and watching some mindless TV, or playing some Guitar Hero, or anything else that would require no serious thinking, and no socializing.

“Not gonna fly, man,” Gabe said, tossing his empty can into the garbage, “it’s already happening and I can tell from the look on your face that you are in serious need of some fucking debauchery. Shaun, you’re in, right?”

“Totally,” Shaun said cheerfully, and Zach shot him a look. Shaun just shrugged.

“Cool,” Gabe said, already heading for the door. “Now, I gotta go out and buy a shit load of beer, but I’ll catch you guys back here in a bit. Deal? Deal. Late!” And he was gone.

Zach watched Shaun as he went to the fridge and started to inspect its contents. “Just what I suspected: all that’s in here is beer and some celery that really needs to be thrown out. You want to head back out and get some lunch?” Zach shrugged. “What, are you mad at me? To be totally honest, I think Gabe’s right. I think a party would do us both some good.”

Zach nodded. “I’m not mad, I just … don’t feel like seeing people.”

Shaun went over to him and placed his hands on Zach’s shoulders. “Babe, you’ve got to stop acting like you’ve just been giving a death sentence, all right? Jeanne just wants to spend some time with him.”

“But maybe not.”

Shaun sighed, and cocked his head to the side. “Do you always have to be so difficult?”

He’d said in a teasing voice, so Zach smiled. “Yeah, sorry, man. It’s just the way it is.”

Shaun shook his head. “C’mere,” he said, and wrapped Zach up in a hug. Zach held on to Shaun’s solidity, his warmth.

“Aren’t you excited to spend some time with your buddies?” Shaun said into his ear.

“Oh, yeah, sure, considering how fun it was yesterday.”

Shaun pulled back a little and looked into Zach’s face. “What was wrong with yesterday? I thought you had a good time.”

“It was weird, Shaun. It was just fucking … weird. It’s not the same with them.” Zach suddenly remembered Tori, accusing him of expecting nothing to change when everything had. Was he being naïve?

“Look, that’s to be expected, all right? I went through the same thing with my high school friends after I came out and ultimately … well, I lost a couple of people I thought were friends, but the true ones stayed the same. Just be yourself, and you’re golden.”

“Thank-you Mister After-School Special.”

Shaun grinned. “Hey, you can learn a lot from an After School Special.”

Zach chuckled, shook his head, then took Shaun’s hand and started to pull him towards the stairs.

“Where are we going?” Shaun said.

“Upstairs.”

“Why?”

“I think we forgot to make the bed.”

“And it takes two of us to do that?”

Zach glanced back over his shoulder. “Yep.”

Shaun grinned and shrugged. “If you say so.”

Earlier that morning, Zach had been too distracted to feel the arousal Shaun usually evoked so easily in him. Now, he knew that he needed to be distracted from his distraction in the way that only Shaun could accomplish.

As soon as they got into the bedroom, they ripped into each other, kissing with their whole mouths—lips, tongues, teeth, and gums—tearing off clothing, clawing at naked flesh. When their clothing had been shed, they fell onto the bed in a tangle, continuing their exploration of one another’s bodies with the same near-violent desire. It wasn’t long before Zach straddled Shaun’s hips and lowered himself down onto Shaun’s cock. He felt the need to have control, and at the same time, the need to be filled with Shaun, and consumed by him.

Shaun gasped as Zach buried him completely. He grabbed at Zach’s ass, slid his hands up and down his chest, grabbed his cock as Zach rode him.

Zach came before Shaun, but the other man followed soon after. They didn’t speak as they cleaned up quickly using the tissues by Shaun’s side of the bed, and then wrapped themselves up into each other. They fell into the first afternoon nap they had had together in months, and, it is safe to say, it did them both a world of good.

* * *

Zach woke to the thump of loud music playing downstairs. He thought at first that the party had started already, but then realized it was only five o’clock. He looked beside him and saw that Shaun was awake too.

“Gabe’s back,” Zach said.

“Sounds that way.” He rolled closer to Zach and pulled him into his arms. “I haven’t slept that well in ages.”

“Me either,” Zach said, then brushed his lips gently against Shaun’s. They kissed and nipped at each other in a slow, leisurely, just-woke-up way that Zach loved. He could still hear Gabe’s music blaring downstairs, though. He was about to suggest they go down and see him, when Shaun crawled under the covers, and started kissing his way down Zach’s chest. Zach closed his eyes, thinking that if he was going to stop Shaun, now was the time, so—

And then Shaun took him in his mouth, and Zach thought: Gabe can wait.

They went downstairs together twenty minutes later and found Gabe in the kitchen again, sifting through pizza delivery flyers. Music was pounding from the living room, and Shaun motioned to Gabe to turn down the volume. He grinned when he saw them, and used the remote sitting next to him to lower the music. “Hey, where’ve you guys been?” he asked.

Zach said “Nowhere,” at the same time that Shaun said, “Sleeping.”

Gabe raised his eyebrows. “Right. Is that what the kids are calling it these days?”

Zach felt his cheeks warm as he realized how obvious it was to his best friend what he and Shaun had been doing. Come to think of it, he didn’t think he’d be sitting properly anytime that night—he had gone at Shaun pretty hard and fast in a way he wasn’t quite used to yet. Well, there was no way he would let on about that.

“You getting something to eat?” Shaun said, mercifully changing the subject.

“Yeah, you guys in?”

They were, and decided on ordering two large meat-lovers’ pizzas. Shaun wanted vegetarian, but Gabe told him to “give the fag food a rest” and then stopped giving him a choice in the matter.

* * *

As usual, Gabe did not disappoint. Everyone was there. People they had gone to high school with, people they surfed with, and people Zach had worked with. When Gabe threw a party, you never knew who might show up or how they might have heard about the party. Zach spotted Jeanne’s friend, Ellen, lurking by the keg with a heavily pierced guy holding a guitar. He edged away from her and towards the fire in the center of the yard where Gabe was entertaining half a dozen people. Zach settled into a recently abandoned Adirondack chair and tried to get lost in the elaborate story Gabe was telling. For a moment, Zach felt that this could have been any of the many parties Gabe had thrown during the time they had known each other. Gabe was charming a crowd, the music was pounding, people were flirting, dancing, and laughing. Also, a fight had almost broken out, someone was puking in the bushes, and a crying girl was being comforted by her friend.

Yes, it could have been any of the many parties Gabe had thrown, except for a few things: he had barely exchanged two words with anyone since the party began, Tori wasn’t by his side or on his lap, and he couldn’t keep his eyes off Shaun, who was standing a few feet away talking to two guys he didn’t know. Shaun’s ass was looking remarkably good in the new jeans he was wearing, and it was doing a much better job of distracting him from his worries than Gabe’s story was. The beer helped, too, and Zach was just about to get himself a third glass when a scantily-clad girl fell out of the sky and onto his lap.

Well, not quite out of the sky—she tripped on a loose rock in the yard and, in her inebriated state, wasn’t able to catch herself before tumbling into Zach’s arms.

“Whoa, you alright?” Zach said, helping her up and trying to look through the curtain of hair that had fallen in the girl’s face to see her face.

“Oh, my God, I am such a retard,” she said, flipping her hair over her shoulder. It was Kelly, Zach realized, Tori’s best friend and current roommate. Kelly, recognizing Zach as well, grinned. “Hey, Zach! Oh my God, how are you?” She launched herself back into Zach’s arms, engulfing him in a hug.

“I’m good,” he said, patting her back. He pulled away slightly. “How are you, Kelly?”

“Oh my God, I am so good. Tori and I live together now!”

“I know, I know. That’s great.”

“Our apartment is amazing. You have to come see it sometime.”

Zach smiled. “Sure.” Kelly was usually cheerful and bubbly, but this was over the top, even for her. She was clearly drunk.

Kelly frowned. “We never hang out anymore, Zach.”

“Well, I live in L.A. now …”

“Oh, yeah, that’s true. You live in L.A. now. With Gabe’s brother.”

Zach nodded curtly. “Yep. Hey, where is Tori?”

“Oh, she didn’t come.” Kelly leaned in close to him like she was telling a secret. “She didn’t really want to see you.”

“What? Why?” Zach knew Tori had kind of blown up at him the previous night, but he had mainly attributed it to her frustration with Greg.

“Well, you know.”

“No, I don’t. Kelly, is she mad at me?”

“Yeah … I mean no. Not mad, but just, like, you know?”

All Zach did know was that he had had more intelligent conversations with Cody. When he was two years old. “No, I don’t know. What’s wrong with Tori? I thought her and Greg were happy.”

“Oh, yeah, Greg is great. I mean, he’s really awesome to her and stuff, but … well, it’s just, you guys were … and now you’re … and she’s like … it’s just kind of hard for her.”

Zach nodded, finally actually starting to get what Kelly was saying. He knew that none of this had been easy on Tori, but he hadn’t realized that she was still dealing with it. He was beginning to see how it might have been insensitive of him to complain about things changing. While he had been off in L.A. starting a new life, she had been here all along, trying to adjust to a life without him. There used to be a time when they had both been certain they would spend the rest of their lives together. And, yeah, things had really changed.

“Well,” Zach said, “look, tell her I’m sorry about last night, OK? And that I want to talk to her. Do you think you could tell her that?”

“Oh, yeah, for sure,” Kelly said, and Zach was fairly certain that she would forget this entire conversation in the next two minutes.

“Well …” Zach said, trying to think of a way to slip away.

“Is it just me, or did you get cuter since you went gay?”

“Um, I gotta go.” So much for politeness, that conversation was over. Zach weaved through the crowd toward the keg.

Over the next two hours, Zach had three more beers, and did two shots of tequila. He caught up with friends from high school and played beer pong with Gabe, Steve, and six other people. He was finally starting to relax and feel like maybe not everything had changed. Maybe he could still be some of the guy he used to be—the parts he liked.


Sometime around two a.m., he realized he needed to piss like a racehorse. So, he did like most of the other guys did and forwent trekking all the way into the house to find a bathroom, and pissed in the bushes.


At first, he was too consumed by his strenuous task to notice much of his surroundings, but as he was zipping back up, he saw them: Billy and Jon, someone else he had gone to high school with. They were standing down a small hill just below the bushes where Zach was standing. There were a few people talking in groups close to them, but it was a little quieter there.


Zach wasn’t usually the type to care about other peoples’ business, or to stick his nose places it didn’t belong, but he found himself unable to take his eyes off of Billy and Jon. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe he was suspicious of Billy after how rudely he had acted since they had seen each other yesterday. Zach tried not to care, but he couldn’t help but notice how Billy had been avoiding him that whole night, slipping out of conversations that Zach got into, refusing to make eye contact with him whenever they came into close proximity.

Zach could see that Billy and Jon were engrossed in conversation. He couldn't quite hear what they were saying--only a word or two here and there. He was just about to turn back to the rest of the party, unsure why he hadn't already, when he heard Billy say his name. Zach turned back quickly, thinking at first that Billy had seen him and was calling him. He realized quickly that wasn't the case. Billy and Jon were still focused on each other, still in the middle of their conversation. Now that he knew they were talking about him, Zach decided that this was his business. He took a few steps down the hill so that he could hear them, but remained hidden in the shadows of the bushes.

“Shit,” Jon said, “I heard a rumor a month back, I didn’t actually think it was true.”

“It’s 100% true, man. Zach Sharpe is queer.”

“Dude …”

“I know. I mean, hey, I’ve got nothing against it, OK? People can do what they want. But do you know how much time I’ve spent half-naked around that guy? You know, surfing and stuff?”

“Yeah, seriously.”


“What if he was checking me out? That’s fucking sick.”

Don’t flatter yourself, Billy, Zach thought. He tried to motivate himself to turn around and return to the party. So Billy was an asshole—what else was new? They had never really been all that close anyways. Why should he care what some ignorant jerk thought?

“Dude,” he heard Jon say, “are you going to say something to him?”

Billy shook his head. “Nah, I don’t want to cause trouble. I’m just not going to hang with him anymore.”

That was finally enough for Zach. He returned towards the sounds of the party—the laughter, the music, the yells and squeals, and careless voices—wanting to be a part of it all, but feeling far away.

The Way Home: Chapter Seven

Title: The Way Home
A Shelter Fanfic
Author: Jessica (sam_cdn )Rating: NC-17
Summary: This story opens a little over two months after Shaun, Zach, and Cody have moved to Valencia. This will be a multi-chaptered story, telling the tale of what happens next. There will be plenty of happiness, sappiness, and general domestic bliss. There will be some hotness and some smuttiness. There will also be some angst, some anger, some sadness, and some pain. There will be some attempts at humor, but I'm not promising you'll laugh. Hold on tight, I've got a lot of story to tell!
Disclaimer: I do not own and did not create the film Shelter. I am making no profit off of this.

Zach liked driving at night. Even when there were plenty of other cars on the road, Zach felt a kind of peacefulness as they glided on into the darkness, unable to see much beyond the lit highway. The calming sensation was just what Zach needed right then, because the closer they got to Laguna, the more nervous he felt.

In less than half an hour, they would be arriving at a house that had been familiar to Zach for most of his life, but returning there with Shaun and Cody, with the prospect of facing Jeanne looming in the near future, made this visit completely different from any other. It was strange for Zach to be coming back to San Pedro and Laguna after everything that had changed since he had been there last. It felt a little like going back in time. He half-worried that by returning there, his life would go back to the way it was almost a year ago, before Shaun. He knew, of course, that it wouldn't, but his common sense knowledge did nothing to dissipate his fears.

"Cody's totally passed out," Shaun said quietly from the passenger's seat beside him.

Zach glanced in the rear view mirror to see a slumbering Cody in his car seat. "Yeah, it's been a big day for him."

"Mm hm," Shaun said, looking out his window.

"Guess we'll put him straight to bed when we get there." Shaun didn't say anything. "Hello?" Zach said, reaching over and giving his leg a squeeze.

"Huh?" Shaun said, jumping a little. "Oh, sorry. What did you say?"

Zach looked at him quickly. "Are you OK?"

"Yeah, totally," Shaun said, but Zach wasn't convinced.

"Dude, you're just as nervous as I am, aren't you?"

"What?"

"Yeah, you're totally freaking out right now."

Shaun chuckled. "All right, you caught me. I guess I'm freaking out a little."

"You're not alone."

Shaun let out a deep sigh. "This is stupid, right? I mean, it's Gabe we're seeing. When have either of us ever been nervous about seeing Gabe?"

"I know," Zach said. "It's just ... it's totally weird, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, I guess it is. Well, I'm sure it'll all feel normal in no time."

Zach rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right."

They arrived at the mansion in Laguna at a little after ten o'clock. Zach carried the sleeping Cody in his arms, while Shaun fumbled to find his keys and to disarm the security alarm. The house was dark and quiet, no sign of Gabe in sight. Shaun helped Zach bring Cody to the guest room that was across the hall from his room. As Zach laid him down on the bed, Cody half woke up and looked around him. "We're at Shaun's old house, buddy," he said. Cody mumbled something unintelligible, so Zach just said, "See you in the morning," before he and Shaun left the room.

After closing the door, they headed to the stairs, but before descending, Zach hesitated. "Think we should wake him up?" he said.

"Why would we do that?"

"Because," Zach said, "he's going to wake up in that room alone with no idea where he is or where we are. Maybe we should make sure he knows where to find us."

"No, he'll be fine, Zach. He'll know where he is--he's been looking forward to this trip for weeks. And he's been here before--he knows this house."

Zach shrugged, still uncertain. "OK, I guess."

They descended the stairs silently, Zach following Shaun. As they reached the bottom, Zach spotted some movement out of the corner of his eye. Before he had a chance to say anything a light was flicked on.

Everyone let out a shocked yell, before bursting into laughter as they all realized what had happened. It was Gabe, of course, who had turned on the light, and he had no idea they had arrived.

"Jesus Christ!" Gabe said. "What, did you guys sneak in like a couple of thieves?"

"Sorry," Shaun said, laughing, "we were putting Cody to bed. Where were you?"

"Outside. Well, shit, how are you guys?"

"Good," Shaun said, and then there was the expected greeting, with Gabe giving hugs and pats on the back to each of them.

"C’mon," Gabe said, “let's get some cold ones and chill out back."

Zach followed the brothers through the house to the kitchen where they each got themselves a beer. Zach realized as they went out onto the back porch that he was grinning and had been since he had hugged his best and oldest friend. Weirdness aside, it was damn good to see Gabe again. It felt like a lifetime since they had last hung out. The last time they had seen each other hardly counted with everything that was going on between him and Shaun.

They relaxed on patio chairs, looking out toward the Pacific. "So," Gabe said after a silence.

"So," said Zach, suddenly at a complete loss for words.

"You get your key from the Robinsons OK?" Shaun asked.

"Oh, yeah," Gabe said, "it was no problem. Got here last night."

"You have a good drive down?" Zach said.

Gabe nodded. "Oh yeah, great. Good weather."

"Yep”.

They were silent again. Zach couldn't believe it: was this really all they had to say to each other? He knew that wasn't completely true: he did have things he wanted to ask Gabe, things they could talk about, but nothing seemed safe anymore. He wanted to ask if he had seen any of the old gang, but that could lead to discussion about what their reception of he and Shaun might be like, and he wasn't ready to go there yet. He wanted to ask about Tori, but not right away, and not with Shaun sitting right there. For some reason, it felt strange to ask Gabe about his sex life, especially if it could lead to any form of discussion about his own sex life.

"So," Gabe finally said, "are we seriously going to be this awkward around each other for the next two weeks?"

Zach had to laugh. Leave it to Gabe to say it like it is. "No," Zach said, and Shaun followed with: "Definitely not," immediately after.

"Aw," Gabe said, looking at them, "that's so sweet. You two are already finishing each other's sentences."

They all laughed. As strange as it felt to Zach to have Gabe calling him and Shaun "sweet", he was seeing the Gabe he had always known and loved, and that felt good. "Fuck off, man," he said, still chuckling.

"Well, I'm just glad you guys could make it down. It would've sucked spending Christmas here alone."

"You could've come up to L.A.," Shaun said.

"Fuck L.A."

"It's not so bad," Zach said. "Anyways, we live in Valencia. It's totally different from L.A."

"Well, at least it isn't San Pedro."

Zach chuckled, although he didn't quite agree with Gabe on that one; he never had. Gabe always saw San Pedro as an ugly, boring, working class town that no one really wanted to be in. As hard as his life had been there, Zach actually loved San Pedro. The town had rough, urban edges that he saw beauty in, and a community that had gotten him through some difficult times.

When they went to bed, Gabe wished Zach and Shaun goodnight as the couple retired to Shaun’s room together. For Zach, there was something surreal about being back in this house where the love between him and Shaun had blossomed, back in this room where so much had happened. But the fact that Gabe was there with them made everything different, reminded him of how much things had changed. To have his best friend wishing them goodnight with no secrets between them was something that, Zach thought, he could get used to.

*          *            *

Everyone agreed that Shaun, Zach, and Cody’s first day back in Laguna should be spent on the beach, so the four of them loaded up the Volvo with towels, boards, wet suits, and food and headed out. They spent an hour fooling around with Cody in the water before returning to their towels for sandwiches and chips. Shaun and Cody had set to work on one of their famous sand castles when Gabe said, “Hey, look.”

Zach looked in the direction Gabe was pointing to see a group of four people making their way toward them on the beach. He recognized all of them: Steve, Billy, Greg, and Tori.

Zach suddenly felt extremely hot. He was aware of the fact that he was nervous, and though he tried to reason with himself that freaking out wasn’t going to help anything, he couldn’t slow his pounding heartbeat. He glanced at Shaun, who was engrossed in the moat he was currently digging.

“Awesome,” Gabe said, oblivious to Zach’s nerves. “I knew there’d be people to hang with.”

At Gabe’s words, Cody looked up and immediately spotted the approaching group. “Tori!” he said, jumping up.

He ran right into her arms as they arrived. “Hey, little man!” she said, scooping him up and giving him a big hug. “How’s it going?”

“Shaun and I are building a sand castle!”

“Cool. You guys must be getting really good at that.” She smiled at Shaun. “Hey.”

Shaun smiled. “Hey, Tori.”

By that time, Zach and Gabe had stood up and were greeting the rest of the group. Everyone acted enthusiastic and eager to see each other, but that’s all it felt like to Zach: an act. What did these guys know? What should he say? What shouldn’t he say? Why was he obsessing about this so much?

After greeting the guys, he gave Tori a warm smile. “Hey, Tor,” he said, opening up his arms. The hug came naturally to them and held none of the awkwardness that Zach had felt with the others. He had to resist the urge to call Tori “monkey.” He suspected that Greg wouldn’t like that too much.

“When’d you get in, man?” Greg asked as he watched his girlfriend pull out of the hug with Zach.

“Last night,” Zach said.

“Cool.”

Zach was aware of the fact that other than Tori, no one had said hi to Shaun, and was wondering what he could (or should) do about it, when Billy spoke up, “It’s Shaun, right?” he said, looking down at him.

Shaun nodded, and started to stand. “Yeah. How’s it going man?”

“Good,” Billy said quickly, looking away from Shaun before he even had the chance to extend his hand to shake it.

Zach suddenly went from hot to cold as he witnessed the brief exchange. He looked at Shaun, who appeared to be more amused than offended by the blatant rudeness.

“So,” Gabe said loudly, before anyone had the chance to do or say anything else, “you guys bring your boards down, or what?”

“Fuck yeah,” Steve said. “You want to go for a session?”

Gabe, Zach, Greg, Steve, and Billy all decided to go out for a surf. Shaun said he’d stay back and hang with Cody and Tori, much to Zach’s surprise, said she’d stay with them.

Zach was completely refreshed by the surfing. He had not had the opportunity to do very much surfing this past fall and it felt amazing to get back into familiar waters again.

He was finally feeling like one of the guys again as the four of them made their way back up the beach again and talked about the session they’d just had, when two bikini-clad women came walking past them. Steve not so subtly whistled, and Gabe said hi to them. They greeted him back with a giggle, but kept walking.

“I wouldn’t mind getting some of that,” Billy said.

Greg snorted. “I don’t think any of us would.”

At first, Zach was too distracted by his annoyance that Greg would say something like that when he was in a relationship with Tori to notice that conversation had stopped. He glanced at Gabe who, he realized, had been looking at him and cut his eyes quickly away. Of course, the moment Greg had said that, they had all realized that there was one of them who wasn’t interested in “getting some of that.” Greg obviously thought that he had said something he shouldn’t have, and everyone agreed. Zach, on the other hand, didn’t have any problem with the other guys expressing their usual appreciation for the opposite sex—it was what he expected when he hung out with them. Why should the revelation of his sexuality change any of that? It’s not as though he was ever the type to join in their blatant whistling and flirting.

But, of course, it was different now—everything was. The guys wouldn’t be treating him like he was one of them anymore. In their eyes, he wasn’t.

When they met back up with Shaun, Cody, and Tori, everyone decided to go to the Shack. Gabe, Tori, Greg, Steve, and Billy headed off right away, but Zach, Shaun, and Cody were stuck back picking up everything they had brought to the beach. Once they got to the car, they had to deal with loading it up again, and getting Cody secured in his car seat. Cody was excited to eat at a restaurant, but Zach could tell he was already getting tired and would be crashing early that night. They would have to go back to the mansion right after eating. Maybe they could play a game or something—he wondered if there was a Monopoly game lying around somewhere.

When they finally got to the Shack, everyone was already seated. They hadn’t left three seats next to each other—not even two next to each other, so Zach had to get a few people to rearrange themselves so that he could sit next to Cody.

“I want a Fisherman’s Platter,” Cody announced once they were finally seated.

“No, Codes, that’s way too much food for you,” Zach said, scanning the menu for himself.

“No it isn’t! I can eat it!”

Zach flipped the menu over. “Why don’t you order from the kids’ menu? Oh wow, this looks so good! They have crab cakes, and fish sticks, and—”

“No!”

Zach forced himself to not get annoyed. He could hear Gabe and Billy next to him, discussing how many pitchers of beer to get, and where they were going to get drunk that night. “I’m telling you, Cody, this kids’ menu looks really good—”

“Are you going to order from it?”

“No, but—”

“Uh-oh,” Billy said, cutting into their conversation, “he’s got you there, man. If the kids’ menu is so good, why aren’t you ordering from it?” Billy seemed to find this hilarious.

Zach glared at him, then looked back at Cody. “Come on, Codes, I know you like the crab cakes. Remember how good they were last time?”

“I don’t want crab cakes!” Zach had been right: Cody was getting tired and cranky already.

“Cody,” Shaun called down from the other end of the table, “listen to Zach.”

Cody pouted for a while longer before Zach finally convinced him to order off of the kids’ menu. When the waitress arrived at their table, he hadn’t had the opportunity to decide what he wanted for himself, so he ordered popcorn shrimp because it was the first thing he thought of.

Zach barely spoke for the rest of the meal, and when he did, it was usually to Cody. He couldn’t bring himself to getting involved in Gabe, Steve, and Billy’s conversation about the drunkest they had ever been. At the other end of the table, he could see Greg and Shaun talking to each other, and Tori listening with interest. At one point, Zach caught her eye and they smiled at each other. He drew pictures with Cody on the paper tablecloth with the provided crayons.

Zach could hardly believe that he was the same age as Billy, Steve, and Gabe. How was it that the biggest concerns in their lives were passing their midterms and where they were going to spend spring break, while the biggest concerns in Zach’s life were whether he was a good parent, whether he was going to get to continue to be a parent, how much longer his father could live on his own and what he would do once he couldn’t. Feeling like an outcast was nothing new to Zach: he had always been different. He was the poor kid, the kid with the knocked up sister, the kid with the dying mother. In the past, though, Zach had always managed to blend into the group, and find the right things to say and the right way to act in order to make everyone forget how different his life was from theirs.

This wasn’t like that, though. Being a father made him stand out not so much because it made his life harder, but because it made him older than his friends. And although he was happy raising Cody, and being with Shaun, and living the life he was, he felt, at that moment, jealous of his friends. He wanted to be like them: he wanted to be drinking beer, and wondering where they would party that night. He wanted to be going to college and for college consume his life, not only be one thing to juggle amongst many. He wanted to talk about everything they were talking about with enthusiasm and without worrying about a hundred other things in the back of his mind.

Zach was pulled out of his reverie by the sound of raised voices. He turned his head and saw that Tori and Greg seemed to be in some kind of an argument: Greg said something about never having time with his friends anymore and Tori told him that was a load of crap. He could see that Tori was getting worked up. Her usually fair skin was flushed, and the fingers on her right hand were curled in. Tori always closed her right fist when she was getting pissed off.

Everyone else at the table was trying very hard to pretend they had no idea what was going on, immersing themselves in riveting conversations about the weather and the last movies they saw, while occasionally cutting their eyes to the arguing couple.

“You know what?” Tori said, standing up suddenly. “Do whatever the hell you want. Just don’t expect me to be happy about it.”

“Where are you going?” Greg asked.

“Out. I need some air.”

Zach didn’t even need to think about it. He stood up immediately and followed Tori. He hated to see her in pain, and for years, it had always been his job to cheer her up when things weren’t going so well. It came as second nature to him to take care of the people he loved.

He followed Tori out of the Shack, through the parking lot, and onto the boardwalk that lead to the beach. “Hey,” he called gently.

She turned around suddenly and looked at him. “Oh. Hey. What are you doing?”

“Following you. I just … I wanted to—” Now that he was out here with her, he realized that he wasn’t entirely sure what he was doing. All he knew is that he needed to be there for Tori. “I thought you might want to talk.”

Tori smiled with one side of her mouth. “Thanks, but I’m fine. Just … stupid relationship stuff.”

Zach nodded. “Well, can I walk with you?”

She shrugged. “Yeah, sure.”

They walked together in a comfortable silence. Zach was happy to learn that after everything they had been through, they could still have comfortable silences. The sun had almost set, but they could see well enough to make their way along the path. They moved toward the gentle crashing sounds of the waves, interrupted only by the occasional cry of a gull or the distant sound of voices.

When they reached the sandy beach, they continued down toward the water, where the tide was starting to come in. They took their sandals off and hung them off their fingers as they strolled through the moist sand. They stopped when the water crashed just above their ankles.

“So, how are things between you and Greg?” Zach asked.

Tori had been looking down at the sand between her toes, but she looked up at Zach’s question. “Good. It was just a little … nothing. It wasn’t even a fight, all right?”

“Tori, you don’t have to get defensive with me. I just wanted to make sure that you’re OK.”

Tori blinked at him, and seemed to unclench. “Yeah, I’m fine, Zach. Seriously, it’s good between Greg and me. I just get frustrated when he wants to spend so much time with his friends.” She shrugged. “I guess I’m just being the possessive girlfriend.”

Zach tilted his head as he looked at her. “That’s never been you, Tor.”

“I know. What’s wrong with me?”

They both laughed. Zach took a moment, wanting to say something to reassure Tori that he could see she was happy. “He seems to have changed,” he said. “Greg, I mean. I think he’s changed for the better. He must really love you.”

Tori smiled a little. “It’s only been a couple of months.”

“A lot can happen in a couple of months.”

Tori met Zach’s eyes. “Yeah.”

They were quiet for a moment, before Tori said, “So really, how are things between you and Shaun?”

“Really good,” Zach said. He didn’t want to hurt Tori—he just wanted to be honest with her.

“Good.”

Zach’s smile faded a little as he remembered what he had been thinking about at the restaurant. If there was anyone he could talk to about that, it was Tori. He began to trace designs in the sand with his toes. “I mean, it’s good,” he said, choosing his words carefully, “but it’s weird being back here, you know? I guess I just … I hoped we’d come back here and it would be the same as it’s always been.”

He looked up at Tori, and was taken aback by the look on her face. It was the look he’d seen on her face in the restaurant, when she was arguing with Greg. She was angry.

“Tor—”

“How could you think that?” she said, cutting him off. “How could you think that you’d come back here and everything would be the same? Of course it’s different Zach. You’ve come back here with Cody and Shaun, and suddenly you guys are one big happy family, and you expect everyone to treat you like you’re still living with your sister and working at the diner?”

“Tori, why—”

“Take some responsibility for the choices you’ve made, Zach. I’m not saying they were bad choices, just don’t try and deny how they’ve changed things. Don’t insult me by saying that you hoped it’d been the same.”

Zach opened and closed his mouth, completely at a loss. “I’m sorry,” he said, not really sure what he was apologizing for.

Tori nodded, and Zach saw there were tears in her eyes. “Listen, just … I need some time alone.”

“No, Tori, let me—”

“Go away, Zach. I don’t want to be with you right now.”

Zach hesitated for a moment, before finally conceding.  He gave Tori’s shoulder a squeeze and started to trudge slowly back toward the Shack.

Zach was still confused as to what had sparked such anger in Tori, but he knew she was right about one thing: everything had changed.